Friday Funny-Politics for Dummies

This is sure to offend someone, but enjoy it anyway. If we can’t laugh, we’re really screwed:D
  Politics for Dummies
 DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
 
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
 
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
 
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk,
and run a hundred miles an hour
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good..
RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in
  Afghanistan , which are two..
You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’
private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them..
BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish..
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy
FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the
black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither
Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real   California  cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

 

About Linda Andrews

Linda Andrews lives with her husband and three children in Phoenix, Arizona. When she announced to her family that her paranormal romance was to be published, her sister pronounce: "What else would she write? She’s never been normal." All kidding aside, writing has become a surprising passion. So just how did a scientist start to write paranormal romances? What other option is there when you’re married to romantic man and live in a haunted house? If you’ve enjoyed her stories or want to share your own paranormal experience feel free to email the author at www.lindaandrews.net She’d love to hear from you.
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2 Responses to Friday Funny-Politics for Dummies

  1. danrshaw says:

    Average American – We only had one cow but it provided us enough milk for our family needs. The FDA, HHS along with DHS raided our home at gunpoint an took away our cow because we where drinking unpasteurized milk which is illegal. The local Child Protective Services learned of our horrible actions and raided our home with the local sheriff and police department SWAT teams and took away our children to foster homes for their own safety. Our employers found out we where criminals and fired us. Since we no longer have jobs the bank repossessed our car and home. We are so thankful the government is looking out for the little guy.

    • danrshaw says:

      Follow up: GOOD NEWS… No one would take our 2 year old daughter with special needs so they gave her back to us. We no qualify for subsidized housing, food stamps, Obama Phone and Medicare. Maybe we can now get our other children back? We could only afford a 200$ junk care but thanks to the Cash for Clunkers program we can now upgrade that. Isn’t the government great for taking are of us?

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