Sorry for skipping Wednesday, my modem blew out and we had to install a new one. It was an awkward night. Was I supposed to talk to my children? They stared at me as if expecting me to do something. My son did installed a new modem while I was at work. According to my husband, it only took him 4 hours. Now, I’m back. So enjoy.
New Medications for Women Only
DAMNITOL Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
ST. MOMMA’S WORT Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.
PEPTOBIMBO Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
DUMBEROL When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country western music.
FLIPITOR Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
PENISCILLIN Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,”You make me want to be a better person … can we get naked now?”
BUYAGRA Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
JACKASSPIRIN Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
SEXCEDRIN More effective than Excedrin in creating the, “Not now, dear, I have a headache” syndrome.
NAGAMENT When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.