Did you ever have something happen to you that left you scratching your head as if you’ve missed a page in the manual of life? I did, so I took an informal poll of my friends, family and hubby and it was universally agreed that the event was weird, even creepy.
One morning, I was out walking my dog. Given that summer is almost over the it was early in the morning, it was still dark outside. I was armed with my head lamp, doggy acoutrements, and bear spray. And really, few want to tangle with a 100lbs of uber protective Rottweiller/German shepherd.
So off I set, careful to be on the lookout for the others out with their dogs. I hadn’t gotten far down the street when a black car drove past with its radio blaring. Now, I’ve mentioned this was early, so I kinda thought new paperboy. But he didn’t stop at the usual houses.
Hmm. I kept watch as I turned the corner. The car was also at the corner and signalling to turn. He U-turned. The dog took the moment to do his business and I readied my plastic bag puppet to retrieve said offering when the car came gliding toward me.
Normally, I’m kinda suspicious and have a vivid imagination, but there are only two roads in the neighborhood that go through so I figured the driver might be lost. Still, both the dog and I tensed as the guy stopped next to me, on the wrong side of the road about four feet from me.
Instead of asking for directions, he told me he was waiting for his girlfriend to get home from work. And that they’d broken up and gotten back together but that he must be an idiot. And that he wasn’t up to no good, nor was he lost and his girlfriend just lived up at the corner.
Naturally, I had planned to fling the handful of dog pooh, unleash the hound in a frenzy of teeth and claws, while pulling my cell phone to emergency call 9-1-1 and spraying the idiot with the bear spray (which I bought to protect myself against bands of coyotes but would probably work on him). Then I’d run to catch up with the other 4 dog walkers in the park.
Thankfully, one of them had deviated from her standard path and showed up. She stopped to look at me then the car.
The idiot finished sharing his thoughts on his cheating girlfriend, caught sight of the new arrival and drove away.
We stood on opposite corners and watched him go down the street then parted. As I made my way through the park, idiot kept cruising by. A quarter of a mile near the street, I met another dog walker and warned her and her three ferocious mutts. Idiot had passed her three times. She told me that idiot and his girlfriend had been fighting at all hours, that he lies in wait for her to come home and accuse her of cheating, and that the cops are usually called about 6 AM when both decided violence might settle the matter.
Needless to say, I pulled my pepper spray, removed the safety, and had it in my hand as I left the park. Dog Walker #1 was at the corner ahead of me. Dog Walker #3 was about 500 yards behind with his German shepherd and Rottweiller.
I didn’t see idiot driver the rest of the way home. Which was a good thing, as I was planning to spray him if he stopped again then call the police.
So, guys take my advice, if you see a woman by herself don’t stop her, pulled up creepily close, and tell her your life story.
Unless you want a faceful of mace and to be a chew toy for an overprotective dog. 5 outa 5 people agree you would deserve what you get.
Of course, if I went to the pokey for assault I would have more time to write:D You see I know what to do with that glass whether it’s half-full or half-empty.