Funny on Wednesday—Home Schooling

Since there was no Friday Funny last Friday, I’m posting one now. Never fear, it will also return this Friday.

Enjoy!

SEE , I  told you.
Most of our generation were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.
1.  My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.  I just finished cleaning.”
2.  My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3.  My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4.  My father taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”
5.  My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you’re not going to the store with me.”
6.  My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7.  My father taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8.  My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9.  My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10.  My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11.  My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12.  My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times.  Don’t exaggerate!”
13.  My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out …”
14.  My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t
have wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”
17.  My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”
18.  My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
19.  My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
20.  My father taught me HUMOUR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
21.  My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22.  My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”
23.  My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24.  My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.
25.  My father taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

About Linda Andrews

Linda Andrews lives with her husband and three children in Phoenix, Arizona. When she announced to her family that her paranormal romance was to be published, her sister pronounce: "What else would she write? She’s never been normal." All kidding aside, writing has become a surprising passion. So just how did a scientist start to write paranormal romances? What other option is there when you’re married to romantic man and live in a haunted house? If you’ve enjoyed her stories or want to share your own paranormal experience feel free to email the author at www.lindaandrews.net She’d love to hear from you.
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2 Responses to Funny on Wednesday—Home Schooling

  1. danrshaw says:

    I learned several things also
    My dad taught me that it’s best not to be so close to him when he is putting a nail in the wall.
    He also taught me not to walk behind him when he is casting his fishing rod
    My mom taught me through her cooking that it’s best to put cold lumpy mashed potatoes in my pocket so I could leave the table
    My parents taught me it’s not a good thing to tie my little brother to the burning barrel and light the trash on fire
    They also taught me that it’s not cool to tie my little brother up and drag him around the yard with my bicycle
    My brother taught me that when he falls on the ice while ice skating and doesn’t get up he is not faking it
    My mom taught me that under my mattress is not a good hiding place for Playboy magazines.

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