Friday Funny—When you’re over 70

Some might find this offensive

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.

This fat homely chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said,  “You’re kind of cute, you gotta a phone number?”

I said, “Yea, you gotta pen?”

She said “Yea”, I got a pen”.

I said, “Well, you better get back in it before the farmer misses you”.

Cost me 6 stitches.

When you are over seventy . . . who gives a ****


I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,

“If you lost a few pound and had a shave and got your hair cut, you’d look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

When you are over seventy, who gives a  ****


I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

“Really” she said, “Go on then…try.”

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, “Come on, what day was I born?”

I said,  “Yesterday.”

When you are over seventy, who gives a ****


I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over seventy, who gives a ****


I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, “Good legs.”

The girl giggled and said, “Do you really think so.”

I said, “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now.”

When you are over seventy, who gives a ****

About Linda Andrews

Linda Andrews lives with her husband and three children in Phoenix, Arizona. When she announced to her family that her paranormal romance was to be published, her sister pronounce: "What else would she write? She’s never been normal." All kidding aside, writing has become a surprising passion. So just how did a scientist start to write paranormal romances? What other option is there when you’re married to romantic man and live in a haunted house? If you’ve enjoyed her stories or want to share your own paranormal experience feel free to email the author at She’d love to hear from you.
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