Friday Funny—A Little Humor

Men Are Just Happier People —

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack…

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom

because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut

on a bolt.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister,

or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over

in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires

only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Everything on your face stays

its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years,

even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes —

one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter

how your legs look.

You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice

concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

___________________________________

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call

each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will

affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in

$20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller

and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket

calculators…YEP!!!

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but

it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and

toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom

is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new

argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he

doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but

she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty

the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows

about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret

fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the

house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man can forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two

people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor . ……

and to the men who will enjoy reading it

About Linda Andrews

Linda Andrews lives with her husband and three children in Phoenix, Arizona. When she announced to her family that her paranormal romance was to be published, her sister pronounce: "What else would she write? She’s never been normal." All kidding aside, writing has become a surprising passion. So just how did a scientist start to write paranormal romances? What other option is there when you’re married to romantic man and live in a haunted house? If you’ve enjoyed her stories or want to share your own paranormal experience feel free to email the author at www.lindaandrews.net She’d love to hear from you.
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2 Responses to Friday Funny—A Little Humor

  1. danrshaw says:

    Most the above is true and the funniest part was “A married man can forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!” It’s not just the fact that mistakes are remembered but they are remembered at 3 in the morning when your sound asleep.

  2. Heck, after reading the list I came to the conclusion that I am a man!! And my husband has never said a word. No wonder they won’t let me into the water park anymore.

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