I’m Going to Pump You Up

It’s started as a simple project as most things do, then escalated into a 4 day event. You see we have a pool and the plunger that control whether the pool is backwashing or filter water to be returned to the pool requires lubricant every month or so. And about every 6 months, the o-rings need to be replaced. This is one of the months where replacement was necessary. So after the heat broke on Friday about 6pm, we undid the filter. I planned to lube it up and work the plunger out. Hubby decided to cut the top o-ring and slide it out. Unfortunately this necessitated moving the 600lbs filter. Which he did. Quite a ways. And somewhere in the process slid it off its little pedestal.

After many tools and swearing, we cut the o-ring and worked the plunger out, removed the old ones and inserted new ones, applied more magic lube and returned the plunger back in place.

Then we began to work the filter back into place. Slowly inch by inch, trying to get the thing seated right until in frustration there came a mighty heave.

And a mighty crunch.

But, everything was seated together so we primed and turned on the power and then turned on the motor and well let’s just say we got all wet.

The bottom of the filter cracked:

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And took one of the lines with it. Off to Home Depot we went to buy more pipe. The next day while I was at a writing workshop, Hubby replaced the line:

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Then began to replace the broken filter with the spare. Which we just happened to have. Unfortunately, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t remove the cover to the replacement, so we drilled and used the saws-all to force it off:

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Then it was off to the store for 300lbs of sand. About 8PM we finished and thought we could use the cover from the broken one, but alas something magic happened between the time one was installed and the other. Thus the teeth were changed and this one wouldn’t work:

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So we gave up for the day and ordered one from the great and might ‘Zon to be delivered on Sunday night. It arrived and wouldn’t you know it, fit just right. So I primed the filter and pump again and what to my wandering eye should appear but a leak in the pump. Given that one screw had gone amiss while we were putting it back together, I was naturally suspicious, but alas this was a new location and when I went to tighten that sucker down. It broke off.

Yep, a plastic drain plug that was hollow, so despite huffing and puffing with a hacksaw blade and wedging a screwdriver in, I couldn’t get the dang thing out. So I waited the 10 minutes for the pump to dry then brought out the dremel and ground it out:

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Since it was now closing time on a Sunday night, I had to wait until Monday morning to visit the pool store. Thankfully, I presented my ring o’ despair and was given a brand new plug in its place. Okay, I paid for it. But here it is:

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After a yard of Teflon tape, I plugged up the drain and primed the pump. Success! Now all I had to do was vacuum the pool since it had turned green in the 4 days the filter was off line. Now it is nice and blue and I’ve been able to swim again!

Remember: There’s no such thing as an easy project.

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e-Publishing Summary

Good morning everyone!

I just wanted to shared some of the information I learned this past weekend at a self-publishing seminar given by the super-awesome Smashwords CEO Mark Coker.

First, I’ve been self-pubbed since 2011 and have belonged to many indie loops for just as long. For those who don’t know what Smashwords is, it’s an ebook distributor. Instead of having accounts in multiple online retailers, you upload a word file or professionally designed .epub file to Smashwords and they distribute it to various retail channels such as Kobo, Barnes and Noble and iBooks and to libraries via OverDrive (serves 20,000+ libraries) and Baker & Taylor Axis 360.  Here’s a full list of channels they reach – http://smashwords.com/distribution .

One of the concerns some Indies have about Smashwords is their automatically opted in to new lines of distribution when they opened and the quarterly payments instead of monthly. To answer these concerns, authors distributing through Smashwords can now automatically opt out of new channels from their Dashboard’s Channel Manager screen. As for the monthly payments, the accounting department is looking into it, but Mark believes more value is added to the author if he prioritizes Smashwords’ development efforts  on adding more markets (more profit opportunities) and more tools (their new Assetless Preorder (http://blog.smashwords.com/2015/06/smashwords-introduces-assetless.html) feature is one such example).

Much of what was said is pretty much SOP for those who’ve been published. The top six are:

Write a super-awesome book (including editing and formatting) that makes the reader go WOW.  Your book will be competing against a glut of high-quality low-cost ebooks.  Good is not good enough.

Super-awesome cover that makes a promise that the book delivers (List of low cost designers and formatters)

Another amazing book in the works and put it on pre-order

Freebies (to get new readers to find you) especially in a series. Series with free series starters earn more readers and earnings for the author than series without free series starters.

Maximum availability, i.e. don’t limit yourself to  one market (iBooks is currently the #2 seller of ebooks with 50+ markets and over 1 billion devices out there versus amazon with <20 markets) Your sales will fluctuate at each retailer each month.  If your book breaks out, it may break out at different retailers at different times.  Diversified distribution evens out the bumps and reduces your dependence on a single retailer.

A relatively new option for Indies is the Preorder. Amazon, iBooks, Nook and Kobo now take preorders. This is an important tool for authors to make the most out of your marketing, it strengthens the bond between reader and writer by showing the reader you’re committed to deliver the next book, can help boost a book to best-seller status—gaining exposure to more readers, and enables your book to go on sale on the same day at all platforms.

Some random key things I took away from the workshop:

Use buttons on webpages to help readers identify the platform. The button should have the retailers logo, and should link directly ot your book page at each retailer.

Preorders are the next big thing for Indies, Less than 10% of authors are taking advantage of preorders, but over the last 12 months ebooks born as preorders at Smashwords accounted for 67% of their top 200 bestsellers.

Affiliate marketing opens untapped revenue streams for many authors, make sure your links from you pages are affiliate links.

The sweet price points haven’t changed: They’re 99cents, $2.99, and $3.99 sell the most units. $2.99 and $3.99 earn indies the most earnings.  Longer books sell better.  The top sellers at Smashwords and their retail partners are typically over 100K.

Having a blog and your own mailing list are more important than ever because these are platforms you control.

For more information on these topics and many, many more such as hard numbers from Mark, consider following his blog.

Also, there are YouTube videos of many of his workshops available. Click here to check them out.

Lastly, Mark’s three books are available for free. I will definitely be reading The Secrets to Ebook Publishing Success and the Marketing Guide.

Until next time.

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Friday Funny—Happy Pictures

I hope these put a smile on your face:

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The Great Pacific Garbage Patch

I watch a lot of weird documentaries. For research purposes and so I don’t have to write. Ahem, I mean, so I can think of new twists to add to stories. Yeah, that’s it. So I watched this documentary on the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

It was a bit depressing.

Plastic is a great thing. And it’s a horrible thing. There’s no denying that plastic saves lives and makes life easier. But I left seeing the destruction this material causes to our environment and the food chain.

All of which will come back to bite us in the butt. It’s only nibbling now.

So, I’ve decided to do some small changes to reduce my plastic ration. I already have my own cloth grocery bags, so that’s simple.

 This I will use instead of water bottles. Yes, it’s still plastic. But I’ll wash and reuse it instead of recycling the plastic.

For my dog walks, I’ll  use these instead of grocery bags: They’re biodegradable.

These are two small changes, but I think small changes can do a lot one the long run.

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Writing Totems

I first encountered totems during my job as a scientist. Funny, isn’t it. Yet, there were all these little figures around the computers in the environmental lab where I worked. They were to protect the instrument, make it run all night, and bless all the data being produced. It was the lucky shirt/shorts/whatever that we didn’t have to wear everyday and be obvious about it. Everyone picked a their own totems. And you needed permission from the instrument to swap one out for another if you took over someone’s equipment, or were running it for that matter.

I’ve noticed that I’ve begun to acquire totems for my writing.

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My latest edition. I don’t hear the swearing, but maybe one day.
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This is a souvenir my friend gave me from her trip to Alaska.

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Yes, I’m a bit minion happy. My son picked this up from the movie theatre. Everyone should have minions.

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My friend gave me this one. I hang it at work, to dream of other things while doing my job.
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Zot, I picked up from the Renaissance Faire. Everyone should have a dragon guarding their work, so it doesn’t get stolen.
IMG_0165This bit of crystal is supposed to attract money. I think it might be useful to knock a rich person upside the head and rob them, but so far much luck. Still, it’s pretty cruel and the cats like to knock it off my desk all the time.

So there they are. My totems. Sometimes we all need a little help. Even if it is just in our heads.

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Friday Funny

Thanks to my sister for sending me this.

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Color Envy

Sorry, this was supposed to be published Monday. Guess I was sicker than I thought.

Lately, the universe has been showing me that I’ve been found lacking in my book notebooks. NOTE: the notebooks help me to brainstorm a scene, make sure the elements are there, and figure out that important first line and ending. It is also where I store my notes as the apps thing isn’t working out so well. It seems black and white is fine for apocalyptic books, but when it comes to the romance side, color is the preferred choice.

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These are my notes on how clockwork toys work and Big Ben. No, I’m not destroying London. My current Work-In-Progress (WIP) is about a haunted clock in France. And it’s a romance.

But it’s pretty boring, and I wanted color. I thought about it for about 10 seconds and decided I would spend far too much time doodling so I decided I would stamp things that have nothing to do with the book on the pages.

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Then I went to Office Max, and after stroking the gel pens (which weren’t on sale) I spied these felt markers in the clearance section:

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So I will color in the marks with my new markers. The slim white black ink pen will be stowed in my pencil box and I’ll use the last of my gel pens to bring more color to the pages. Note to self: buy more colored gel pens during the back to school sales!

There will be color. And some writing, But mostly color, because who really ever gets tired of coloring?

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Friday Funny—How did they get there?

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Tripping on Air

I’ve started a new book. I’m always starting a new book. I have new songs added to my playlist. I have a general idea of where I’m going. Okay, I know my destination, and my start and the rest is murky but I’m pretty sure it’s there. 

But then there are the little details.

Um, does it snow in the Rhone Alps and if so how much around New Year’s?

How do the French people celebrate New Years? Okay, this one is easy as my critique partner is French.

But what kind of plants are native to the Rhone Alps. And how far will my High School French help in translating this page, because those on-line translators aren’t always very useful. 

And just why don’t the French say zut alors anymore? 

One word, one piece of the puzzle and I stop writing and start searching, and soon I’m on BBC America looking to see whent he next series of Doctor Who is starting. Or googling why The Crimson Field was cancelled.

Grr. I make stuff up for my books. Literally, you know that fiction is a lie, right? So I should get to say they ate pig’s feet for breakfast then they ate pig’s feet. But it is the little things that ground the reader in the fantasy world that I’m creating. And I’m creating a big one with all of Time at stake (see where the Doctor Who thing comes from?).  So I need the little details correct.

Which means I’m stumbling over my void of knowledge. Hopefully soon, I won’t be tripping on air and will be happily typing away to finish the store.

Until next time.

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Hadean 2: Survivor Road, Chapter 7

KoboChapter 7

Ellen braced her body against the bathroom door. The banging had disappeared leaving behind an eerie silence. The crazies always attacked in silence. Palms flat against the cream colored panels, she struggled to drag air into her lungs. Protecting her family was her responsibility, and right now her sister, Rosa, was out there. Facing God knows what.

With Drew.

She sieved air through her teeth.

And she could have told them, instead of hiding in here. Doh! She’d completely forgotten the security system. She needed to get to it. Needed to see what they were up against. Which meant leaving her children and cousin. Black and white tiles striped the floor and halfway up the walls. The bar design echoed in the towels and the open shower curtain. Adrenalin jump-started her heart. If the threat got past Drew and the others, she and the rest of her family would be trapped.

Killing them would be easy in such a confined space.

Her children, Erin and Rafe, climbed into the tub, lying flat in hopes the cast iron would protect them from flying bullets. Cheyenne perched on the toilet and drew her knees up against her chest. Colton set an oversized hand on her shoulder. The much bruised Jason checked the double latches of the dual pane, frosted glass windows.

Raine used a hair clip to hold back her bleached hair then opened the built-in medicine cabinet. Six cans of hair spray lined the bottom shelf. She removed all the cans then opened the right hand drawer and removed three orange lighters.

Jason turned from the window. “Nice.” He picked up one of the cans. “Homemade blow torches.”

Cheyenne shuddered but accepted the can when it was handed to her.

Crouching next to her, Colton whispered in Cheyenne’s ear.

Ellen’s gut clenched. What was wrong with her? Being jealous because a child was comforted when there was no one to tell her it would be all right? But there was someone. Someone who was risking his life for her. For her children. She shook out her hands. Agitation twitched through her and she scraped a hand down her face.

It was time for her to step up, to be the older sister her parents depended upon her.

The mother the situation demanded.

The kind of leader her family needed her to be.

Shaky hands fumbled in her pockets. Her fingertips brushed a warm cylinder. The bear spray. She tugged the canister free. “I need to go.”

“Mommy?” Six-year old Erin gripped the edge of the tub. Her knuckles flashed white.

The division of loyalties tugged at Ellen. Yet, if she was the one thing that stood between her children and death, how could she stay?  Leaning down, she kissed the top of her daughter’s head. Raine and her friends would look after the children. “I’ll be right back. Be good for your aunt.”

Then, Ellen tossled her son’s hair.

She had to think all would be well. She had to believe it.

But she had to make it so.

Steeling herself, she straightened. This was her home. She opened the bathroom door and slipped through.

The hallway stretched toward infinity. Fan blades of light cut shadows in the darkness. Human-shaped silhouettes stretched along the saltillo tiles of the great room. Down the funnel lined with doors, she eyed the entrance into the garage.

Closed.

So why did she only count three shapes? Three people to stand against God knows how many invaders. She tightened her grasp on the can of bear spray. A poor defense if the invaders have guns. Once the Zindells arrived they’d bring more weapons.

Better weapons.

She knew her father had stashed more than just sporting equipment in the locked cabinet in the garage. She hoped he’d bought the Kevlar vests and guns, she’d asked him to purchase.

She hoped for courage to finish the walk down the hall.

Taking a deep breath, she stumbled toward the great room. Her legs were wooden pegs; her feet blocks of ice. In her ears, her heart thrummed to a fast beat.

Ellen turned the corner.

Rosa stood on the counter, frying pan in hand. Marcus brandished a knife, looking more likely to cut himself than the enemy. A dark shadow emerged from the gray light outside.

Pistol in hand, Drew approached the door.

When he jerked open the blinds, his brother stood on the other side.

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