Friday Funny—Deep Thoughts

Thanks to my mom and her best friend, Ms. Alyce, for passing these along. I love number 24 best

Deep Thoughts
1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Plaintiff’s.

 

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

3. I live in my own little world but it’s OK; everyone knows me here.

4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it.  I said, “Thyroid problem?”

5. I don’t do drugs ’cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea.”

7. Money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal”?

10. I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

13. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

15. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

16. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have “Schiffer Brains.”

18. No one ever says, “It’s only a game!” when their team is winning.

19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

21. Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been!

26. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

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Things are Looking Up

I know it may be hard to believe, but human beings are predominantly optimistic. I’m not talking PollyAnna optimistic, which isn’t rational but is annoying. I’m saying that our own futures are bright.

Even though the divorce rate hovers near the fifty percent mark, few people who are marrying think they will get divorced.

Those things happen to other people, not us. We’re the ones that will beat the odds.

This skew to our logic is based up the simple idea that we, humans, are the only acknowledged species on the planet that actually think about the future (politicians excluded).

We dream, we plan, and we design for the future.

And this is not a new phenomenon.

Here is part of the preamble of the US Constitution:
We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity

Posterity is the future generations of people.

We classify those whose inherent optimism is broken as depressed, in a funk, or blue. And we treat them with chemicals to restore their optimism to ‘normal’ levels or avoid them as they wear us out. We do not medicate the PollyAnnas of the world, even though too much optimism is not a good thing.

Why am I bringing this up? Because when I invest my time in an entertainment outlet, I expect to come away with a little hope at the end. Yes, I like happy endings and when I don’t get them, I get irritated. I don’t have a problem with Freddy, Jason and Michael returning for sequel after sequel, but I have an issue with everyone dying.

Does that stop me from watching the next movie? No, I’m optimistic that I’ll find one that gives me a satisfying ending.

Remember life doesn’t have to make sense, but fiction does:D

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Let the Rain Begin

After over 100 days, Phoenix finally received rain. Like when I was growing up, the wall of dust came first. Naturally we were out walking the dog when it finally reached us. Pink skinned and stinging from the blowing dust, we raced home.

And then came the smell.

Wet earth. It is the best scent on the planet especially after such a long dry spell.

Then there is the hiss of rain on wet asphalt.

And the golden sunshine turned to liquid silver. I love the monsoon season. I love the dust storms and the rain.

The humidity is another issue. I think I’m gonna graft a set of gills on my lungs to breathe. How do folks in the green parts of the country survive?

Rain, rain fall today
And again another day
If you don’t, I declare
I’ll cloud seed the atmosphere

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Happy Fourth of July!

And a belated Canada Day to those in the Great White North.

I’ve seen this a couple of times but Dan sent it to me again, so I’m posting it here.

A Worthy July 4th Read

by Chauncy Gardener

Something to think about this 4th of July…

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors and tortured before they died.

Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.

Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army, another had two sons captured.

Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.

They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?

Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated. But they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

John Hart was driven from his wife’s bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year, he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. A few weeks later, he died from exhaustion and a broken heart.
Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates.

Such were the stories and sacrifices of the American Revolution. These were not wild-eyed, rabble-rousing ruffians. They were soft-spoken men of means and education. They had security, but they valued liberty more.
Standing tall, straight, and unwavering, they pledged: “For the support of this declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of the divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other, our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.”

They gave you and me a free and independent America. The history books never told you a lot about what happened in the Revolutionary War. We didn’t fight just the British. We were British subjects at that time and we fought our own government!

Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn’t.

So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July Holiday and silently thank these patriots. It’s not much to ask for the price they paid.

Remember:
Freedom is never free!

It’s time we get the word out that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July has more to it than beer, picnics, and baseball games.

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Grooving with the ‘Zon

Just to be clear, I don’t make any money by pitching about Amazon Prime. But since I received that little email in my inbox a few weeks ago, I’ve been signing a new tune.

Seems, the great ‘Zon has decided as part of my Prime membershp, I can stream some music off their website and listen to it. Now, I like electronic and cyber things as my hubby doesn’t really know how many books or books I’ve purchased.

But this is even better.

‘Cuz I’ve already bought the membership, I can stream it in one big playlist.

Of course the downside is that I’ve been grazing on the free music and not, ahem, writing as I should. Ahem.

I’ve thought of actually making a playlist that I’ve been kinda, sorta writing by. Then I thought, um, maybe not. Sam Cooke and Arlo Guthrie are a little hard to reconcile with a battle scene. Although, Billy Joel’s Goodnight Saigon and Martina McBride’s Independence Day works well.

Happily my birthday is coming up and I can knock some of those books and CDs off my wish list. I’m pretty sure even the great ‘Zon’s bots are confused by a list containing big band music, war remembrances, survival tips and romance novels.

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Entanglements (historical Romance) Chapter 5

Chapter 5

20140522-092009-33609578.jpgRune squatted next to the rows of wounded sprawled on the floor of the Sisters of Mercy Hospital. “Guess I shouldn’t have wasted my time securing you a fast ride to the hospital.”

All the soldiers he’d helped sat in a line against the wall. Campaign with his blown off ear. Van der Groot and his shattered arm. Van Allen and Evrard with their charred neck and cheeks. Even Alain with his side wound. None had been tended as of yet.

They were lost in an ocean of injured.

Not only soldiers waited in the hospital either. The lower levels were crammed with noncombatants.

Alain folded his arms over his gut. “I don’t know, Captain. Riding in that motorcar at thirty kilometers per hour was almost worth getting shot.”

Nuns in white habits fluttered up and down the halls like restless spirits. They ordered their fellow nurses in blue in harsh whispers.

Near an arched window at the end of the hall, an old man in baggy trousers mopped up puddles of crimson. The air reeked of disinfectant, cordite and blood. Younger men and boys on the cusp of manhood carried the seriously injured on wooden litters toward the surgery at the end of the hall.

Some men moaned. Others sat in a stupor, oblivious to their surroundings. A few crumpled in rasping heaps on stretchers. Blood soaked their sunken chests. A nurse stooped near the prostrate man in front of Rune. After making the sign of the cross, she closed the dead man’s unseeing eyes and covered his face.

Evrard scratched his singed beard. Liquid oozed from the blisters on his red cheek. “We’re the lucky ones.”

Rune grunted. Lucky to reach Antwerp or to have minor injuries? Both. Although for how long, he didn’t know. But he intended to make it as long as possible. The Uhlans needed to pay for what they’d done to Belgium.

Rune intended to deliver a payment in lead personally.

Scratching his cheek, Alain winced when he encountered the weeping cuts near his jaw. “You gonna sign up with the Lancers?” He pointed to a hunched man leaking his life’s blood into a sky-blue and yellow uniform. “Or the guards?”

Trimming his nails with a knife, the soldier in a green jacket and scarlet breeches stuck his bandaged leg into the aisle.

Rune would go wherever the need was greatest. “Probably back to the forts. I know how they work.”

“You want to see the action.” Alain leaned his head against the grimy wall behind him and closed his eyes.

Rune snorted. He’d seen action in Africa. “I want to convince the Uhlans to return to the Fatherland.”

The men he’d helped nodded. The Lancer shuddered and expelled his last breath. Rune glanced away. The Lancer had done his service. Rune needed to do his.

Evrard picked at a blister on his neck. “We’ll be there beside you, Captain.”

Rune pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes before wiping away the grit.

Night crowded the windows. The thud of distant explosions punctuated the darkness like the throb of a persistent toothache.

What would it take to get the Germans to stop? Could they keep up the action all night? Of course they could. The soldiers were nothing but cogs in a giant war machine. Rubbing the kinks in his neck, he shook off his fatigue. He had things to do before dawn, and he couldn’t do anything here. “I’m going to find out where to enlist.”

He hoped he wouldn’t have to start at the bottom again.

He hoped he wouldn’t encounter any of his late wife’s paramours.

Across the aisle, the Guard stopped shearing his fingernails and looked up. “See Colonel Steiner below. He’ll take you. He’ll take anyone.”

“Much obliged.” Rune shoved away from the wall. The Guards would do. He stared down at the men. “I’ll be back later.”

Alain waved him away. “Go find a café and have a drink later.”

Evrard jabbed a snoring Van Allen in the gut. “Go find a willing woman later.”

Rune sauntered away. “Yes, sirs.”

Walking down the hall, he stepped over feet and outstretched limbs. The stench of ether grew as he approached the surgery. In the room on his right, nurses in blood-stained aprons scrubbed operating instruments until they gleamed before another sister dropped them into pots. Steam fogged the room.

Further along, a door opened. A gray-haired woman leaned her weight against a cart. It didn’t budge.

“Allow me.” Sidestepping, Rune clamped down on the edge and jerked.

The cart lurched forward with a squeak. The bloody sheet covering the cart peeled back at the corner, revealing a mass of twisted and broken limbs.

He sucked in a breath and jerked his hands back. Lord in Heaven. There must have been dozens of pieces…

Leaning forward, the sister smoothed the cover back in place. “Thank you for your assistance.”

Nodding, he swayed on his feet.

She rested a hand on his arm. Concern darkened her brown eyes. “There is coffee downstairs.”

“Thank you.” Coffee. Downstairs. The words bobbed on the mush inside his head. What did they mean?

Stooping, she checked the wrist of an injured soldier then patted his hand. “I’ll send the curé over to tend your needs.”

Curé? Why did the man need a priest? Rune blinked.

The soldier whimpered. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. He was dying.

The Germans had done this. Rune would avenge the poor man’s death. He would avenge them all. But first, he had to find Colonel Steiner and join up. Fingernails digging into his palm, he strode to the end of the hall and turned right into the stairwell.

Holding her skirts in her right hand, Laila stepped onto the landing.

He stopped so quickly his boots squeaked. His heart slammed against his breastbone. Something was wrong, horribly wrong. Was it her injury?

She glanced up at the sound. Tears left trails through her dusty cheeks. Daubing her red nose, she stared at him from behind swollen lids.

He caught his breath.

Emerald eyes sunk into the bloodshot background.

Someone had hurt her. Broken her spirit. He’d kill the man, rip him in two with his bare hands. Rune shook with restrained violence. She mustn’t see it, mustn’t fear him.

“You’ve been crying.” He raised his hand and cupped her cheek. His thumb swept over the damp, soft flesh.

For an instant, she closed her eyes and leaned into his palm.

He wanted to pull her to him, wrap her so tightly in his embrace, nothing and no one would ever hurt her again. “Tell me.”

Unshed tears sparkled like crystals on her red lashes. “They… My father… My mother…”

He waited a second. Then two. She didn’t continue. A growl prowled his throat and became trapped behind his clenched teeth. “What about your parents?”

“It’s horrible. Despicable.” She clamped her lips together. Her nostrils flared. Anger burst across her high cheekbones. She stamped her foot.

Ducking his head, he hid his grin. His little red-headed terror was fighting back. His blue coat draped over her thin shoulders. His gaze skimmed her body and stopped on the tapestry suitcase in her hand. She hadn’t had that when she’d exited Madame Wiebke’s touring car hours ago.

Cold snaked down his spine.

“You’re not planning to return to Brussels, are you?” His mouth dried. She’d have to break through Uhlan lines to reach the city. Only God in Heaven knew what the Germans would do to her if she tried.

He crossed his arms over his chest.

She wouldn’t get that far. He’d make sure of it, even if he had to tie her to the bedpost.

“Return to Brussels?” Hashmarks puckered the skin over her nose. “Why ever would you think that?”

He jerked his chin toward the bag in her hand. “Most folks don’t pack for a trip to the hospital. Unless…” His brain chugged to life, offering another explanation. God, he could be such an idiot. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize your parents were patients here.”

The image of the cart’s contents flashed in his mind and he shivered. He hoped her mother and father remained in one piece.

“I wish.” Laila’s jaw thrust out.

He reared back. She wished her folks were in the hospital? Most people only went to such places to die. What was he missing? “Your sister…”

Laila set her free hand on her hip. “Do stop frowning at me.”

Ordering him about. Being contrary. The old Laila had rebounded gloriously. And he wasn’t a wit more enlightened about the source of her pain. That would have to change. He scrubbed a hand down his face. He shouldn’t get involved. Laila Vigdis could upset all his plans. He’d seen her safely home; he didn’t owe her anything else.  “Perhaps, if you start at the beginning.”

Apparently, his mouth hadn’t received the telegram.

She exhaled slowly. Strands of red hair fluttered against her forehead. “Well, I arrived home to find Father’s townhouse in disarray.”

Her parents should have been worried. Their servants had left their daughter along the side of the road. “They were worried when the butler and housekeeper pulled up without you.”

“No, of course not.” She pursed her lips. “I don’t think they realized I hadn’t arrived yet.”

Her parents should be horsewhipped. Laila was as much their responsibility as their other daughter, Sofia. Despite being older, Laila needed their protection more. She was too honest, too trusting, and too damn beautiful.

“Will you keep interrupting or can I finish?”

An ache built at the top of his skull. Rune pressed his index fingers against his temples. Hadn’t he promised to avoid Laila Vigdis? How many times did he have to remind himself that she was trouble? “By all means, finish.”

Then he could leave. His feet took root in the wooden hospital floor.

She jerked the lapels of her coat. Her bottom lips wobbled. “They…they want me to marry. They picked him!”

He rocked back. Laila married? She would no longer terrorize him when he called upon the Vigdises. She would no longer threaten his plans. He waited for the relief to release his body. Instead a live electrical wire seemed to touch his system. “No. Absolutely not.”

If her parents hadn’t even realized she wasn’t safe at home with them, they had no business choosing a mate for her. She may put up a brave fight, but he’d seen the vulnerability, the tenderness, and the pain caused by their harsh words and indifference.

A smile teased the corners of her cherry-ripe lips. Her eyes widened. “No?”

“No.” Setting his hand on her shoulder, he stooped down until their faces were level. He knew she worried about her age, feared that no man would want her. But she was wrong. And he would prove it to her. “Absolutely not.”

“But you haven’t even heard—”

“Captain!” Alain’s shout bounced down the halls.

Holding up a hand to the private, Rune kept his attention on Laila. “If you’re desperate to marry, I’ll arrange something. Invite some men, some gentlemen I know, and you can pick from them.”

Although at the moment, not a single man worthy of Laila came to mind.

Her jaw swung open before her eyes narrowed. Her teeth clicked together. “I’m not desperate.”

“Good.” He swept his finger under her chin. Such soft skin. How did she manage it? “Then you can make a rational decision. Too many strong emotions often cloud judgment.”

He knew that all too well.

Red suffused her face and she emitted an odd choking noise.

“Captain Lambert!” Alain called again. “Colonel Steiner is here.”

Steiner? How did he know that name? Ah, yes. The Guard had said the officer was looking for men. Rune glanced from the rigid man in green and scarlet to Laila. Damn. Exactly the position Rune never wanted to be in again—choosing between the military and a woman.

But this wasn’t any woman. This was Laila.

She flapped a hand at him. “Go. Belgium needs you.”

He eyed the vein pulsing at her temple. Given her anger, she didn’t understand his need to reclaim his honor, his place in the Army. They would both be happier when she married. Someone else. His gut told him he was mistaken. His gut could go hang on a telephone pole. “I’ll talk to your parents and fix everything. Just give me a minute and I’ll escort you home.”

She jerked her head once and stared at her muddy boots. “And we’re going to talk on the way.”

Of course they’d talk. He needed to know if she held any particular traits in aversion. Pivoting on his heel, Rune strode down the corridor.

The Colonel of the Guard met him after three meters. Gray streaked the officer’s jet hair. Fine white lines radiated from the corners of his brown eyes. A red welt bisected one tan cheek. He thrust out his callused hand. “Captain Rune Lambert of the Brussels Garde civique?”

“Formerly of the Brussels Garde civique, Colonel.” After aborting his salute, Rune slid his palm against the superior officer’s. The handshake was strong and firm, but not crushing like some commanders he’d known. Rune could follow this man into battle. “I resigned when it became apparent the city would capitulate.”

The man jerked his head once. “I served with your father in the Congo. He was a good man. A fighter.”

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Rune groped for the right words. He had so few memories of his father. Mostly just fragments of events—a deep laugh, drunken singing and the scent of gunpowder.  Although the sensations were always stronger when it rained. “Thank you, Sir.”

“I can see him in you.” Colonel Steiner rubbed the stubble on his chin.

He could? Rune blinked, but couldn’t recall his father’s face. After a year in the orphanage, he’d forgotten his mother’s too. Or maybe he’d blocked it out. “Thank you, Sir. I hope this means you’ll consider me for your regiment.”

“If you’ll answer one question for me, Captain.”

Rune held his breath until darkness edged his vision. Here it comes—the old scandal about his late wife and her string of lovers. He should have known some in Antwerp would remember. After all, his demotion had come from the highest levels. God in Heaven, could the Colonel have been one of her paramours? Rune squared his shoulders. He’d been innocent of the charges then; he was still innocent. But now, he had the courage to stand up for himself. “Yes, Colonel.”

“Rumor has it you accompanied Laila Vigdis into Antwerp.”

Rumor’s name was Private Alain. Rune’s neck itched. He knew better than to scratch it, or look at the private. Both were signs of guilt. And neither he nor Laila had done anything wrong. Was his reputation the reason for her parents deciding to marry her off?

Damn his late wife. Six years after her death, and she was still hurting people. If he could, he’d resurrect her just to throttle her for involving an innocent like Laila.

He raised his chin. “The Vigdises were in too much of a hurry to reach Antwerp when they saw Private Alain and myself along the road.” Bitterness flooded Rune’s mouth. He wanted to spit but too many wounded crowded the hallway. “Instead they told us to hail the car with their oldest daughter and servants.”

The colonel nodded.

Obviously, the officer knew part of the story already.

Rune’s stomach clenched. He’d earned his commander’s respect before, he’d do so again, provided he was given the opportunity. “L— Mademoiselle Vigdis was rearranging folks in the Spyker when the Germans began their bombing. The car took off, leaving her in my care.”

“And what did you do with her?”

Swallowing the bit about her injuries, he kept to the main points. “Once the danger had passed, we returned to the road to Antwerp. Not more than half an hour passed before we were hailed by Madame Wiebke.”

“Estelle Wiebke?” The colonel’s eyes crinkled. “So the old girl left Brussels, eh.”

“Yes, Sir.” Although, Rune had never met anyone brave enough to call the old lady by her given name. She’d always been Madame while he was growing up and probably would remain Madame until she died. At least to him. “Madame dropped Laila at Rue des Escrimeurs before motoring us to the hospital.”

The Colonel’s salt and pepper eyebrows rose.

Rune chewed on his frustration. He’d done nothing wrong. Neither had Laila. “There were two Lancers and a carabineer that will confirm my story.”

“Yes, well, the words of four soldiers wouldn’t be enough against the wealth and power of the Vigdis family.”

Rune squared his shoulders.

The corners of the colonel’s mouth tilted up. “But you have Madame Wiebke to vouch for you. Not even the Vigdises would gainsay Estelle. They wouldn’t dare. When Estelle confirms that the last time you saw Mademoiselle Vigdis was on her very own doorstep, that is the end of the matter.”

Rune’s gaze cut to the stairwell where Laila waited. Anyone could spot her. Confirm they saw her talking to him. The Vigdises were powerful enough to end his career for good. Her sad, green eyes stared at him from his memory. “That was the last time I saw the lady.”

“Good. Good.” Clasping his hands behind his back, the colonel headed toward his injured man. “Report at the Grand Hotel at seven a.m. I think I know how you can be of use to me, Captain.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Rune strode toward Laila. He’d secret her out of the hospital, then escort her home. He stumbled over his boots. Maybe not. Maybe he’ll find a taxi and send her home. Yes, a taxi would be best. No one would slander her reputation if she arrived in a taxi.

And his commission wouldn’t be jeopardized.

Turning into the stairwell, he drew up short. His coat hung on the bannister. But only the scent of lavender remained of Laila.

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Friday Funny—Falcon in a Tree

Thanks to Hugh for this wonderful nature picture.
I’ve  received many remarkable nature photographs over the  years but  this
photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most  remarkable one  that I’ve
ever seen.  I hope you enjoy it as much  as I did.  Nature is truly
breath-taking!

I’ve sent  this mostly to my older friends.  The younger ones  probably
have never seen a Falcon and wouldn’t recognize it. But for you younger

ones, you can still see it.
YW6Fufm
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Things that have been bothering me

So, I want to get some thoughts out of my head so the top doesn’t blow off my skull. They’re random things in no particular order, or even related, but every once in a while they pop up and interrupt my writing time.  So here they are:

Are three cat toys enough of a payment when a cat throws up in your shoes and you slide your foot right on in the lumpy goo?

If a zombie outbreak happens at a comicon, would anyone really know it until it was too late?

How could there be too many beans in bean soup?

Why is some music ageless, but others dated?

Just because life isn’t fair, does that mean we should stop trying to make it so?

Can we complain about the what our country has become if we are unwilling to risk to the same things our Founding Fathers did to achieve it?

How come people who eat their dead as part of a ritual develop a resistance to prions, but cows get mad cow disease?

If life is a box of chocolates, why did some of us get the Monty Python box?

And lastly, how much time can I waste on computer games instead of writing?

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Entanglements (Historical Romance) Chapter 4

20140522-092009-33609578.jpgChapter 4

Standing in the gloaming, Laila waved from the stoop in front of her parents’ pied-à-terre. Along the wide avenue, bunting of black, yellow, and red waved from her neighbor’s stately homes. A guard stood on the corner, a bayonet fixed on his carabine.

Across the street, an officer in the green and scarlet of the Antwerp Garde Civique drove away Monsieur Konrad’s brand-new Silver Ghost. Swiping a tear from his puffy eye, he shrugged inside his somber banker’s togs. “C’est la guerre.”

In the distance, bombs exploded like a persistent heartbeat.

She flinched, slapped her hands to her chest, and ducked behind the acacia. The Boches couldn’t be in Antwerp already, could they? How had they breached the string of forts from Lierre to Ruppelmonde? The hedge’s long thorns scratched her exposed wrists. In the silence between detonations, gulls screeched over the nearby Scheldt river.

Monsieur Konrad flashed his fleshy, square palms. “Easy, Mademoiselle. Our brave sappers are leveling the homes, churches and buildings between the two outermost rings of forts. If the Prussians want to charge our redoubt, the Uhlans will have to cross open space. Our soldiers will drive them back.”

Rising, Laila nodded. The fortifications at Antwerp were impregnable, everyone said so. But how did Monsieur Konrad know of the military’s plan? Could he be a spy? She’d heard rumors of agent provocateurs in Brussels. Why would this city be different?

“Tell your folks to fly the nation’s colors before nightfall.” He jerked his chin to the plain white facade of her parents’ townhouse. “We must show the King and Queen our support.”

“I will.” Even if she had to fashion one herself.

After checking the gold timepiece hanging off his protruding belly, Monsieur Konrad stuck his hands in his pockets and headed toward the center of the city. Darkness settled around her.

Laila swiped her damp hands on her coat. Rune’s coat. Hugging herself, she inhaled the faint spicy scent of him. She would see him when she returned it. When she unbuttoned the sides, the hem nearly reached her ankles.

Should she wait until tomorrow to return his coat or should she do so tonight?

Tonight.

Mother would be too upset by the move to leave her room. Father would be tending to business matters. And her sister, Sofia, would never tattle on her. Besides, Laila knew where Rune planned to be tonight—the hospital near the Avenue de Kaiser. Guilt crept across her skin like the feet of a thousand insects. If Sofia asked where Rune was, Laila would tell her. If she didn’t…

Laila technically wasn’t doing anything wrong. Turning on her heel, she opened the walnut door to her house and entered the reception hall.

Trunks and portmanteaus hemmed in the receiving table. The mirror above it reflected an empty blue and white vase. A dusty cloth covered the crystal chandelier dangling from the second floor ceiling.

Her lone tapestry bag sat apart from the stack of cases of her father’s favorite port. Over the musty smell of a disused house, her nose detected bread baking and meat roasting. Thank heavens, the butler and his wife, Madame Tait, arrived safely.

Unbuttoning the coat, Laila crossed the marble floor. Pain warmed her back. A good long soak in the tub should solve her problems. The swish of her skirts herded dust bunnies toward the curved staircase at the back of the hall.

A cough sounded from the parlor on the right. The door creaked open a sliver. Visible through the crack, Madame Tait tugged the covers off the burgundy, lion-footed sofa. Dust billowed and glittered in the light cast by the electric wall lamps.

Laila scooped up her bag as she passed. She would take her things to her room. The servants had enough to do.

A man’s shout blared into the hall.

Oh, dear. Father was upset. Things must not have gone well at the factory. She paused near the base of the staircase. At the back of the house, the door to his study stood wide open. Electric bulbs laid a patch of light onto the hall floor.

“But surely, dear Papa, the National Redoubt will withstand even the German steamroller.” Sofia’s musical voice drifted like song lyrics.

Laila bit her lip. If her sister had to resort to that tone, Father must be in a rage. Laila set her bag on the bottom step. She should help her sister in soothing their parent. She could do that much as penance for flirting with Rune.

Not that he’d paid her much attention once he’d fixed her hair.

She patted the coronet of braids. Still not a hair out of place. Mother should be pleased, even if she despised the provincial patina of the coiffure. She would hate the coat, though. And Sofia might suspect to whom it belonged.

Shrugging out of the garment, Laila draped it over the marble bannister. Dust and grime streaked her skirts. She bit her lip. Perhaps she should change first. Little would be gained if she helped to calm Father but enrage Mother. She returned to the stairs and mounted the first riser.

“I’ve heard the soldiers talking.” Papa clipped off the ends of his words. “The German guns smashed through the fortifications at Liège. Antwerp may not hold.”

Oh, dear. She’d better hurry. She shook out her skirts as she climbed. A halo of soot and dust coated the maroon carpet around her boots.

“Your father is correct.” Fatigue slurred Mother’s sentence. “We must take precautions to protect the factory and our livelihood. Since the King made his fool-hardy proclamation, the Kaiser may not honor his word to compensate us for our losses.”

Laila froze on the dimly lit stairs. Her nails bit into her palms. How could her mother associate King Alfred’s defense of their nation with foolhardiness?

Father cleared his throat. “Two of my associates in Berlin have offered their sons as candidates. By tying our business to theirs we will expand.”

“Profit from the war, Papa?” Her sister’s shadow glided over the threshold to their father’s study.

Laila smiled. At least Sofia knew where her loyalties lay.

“By all means. But, I will not marry a Prussian shopkeeper.” Sofia’s silhouette studied her fingernails. “Unless he has a title.”

Laila’s jaw dropped and she sank until her bottom touched the tread. How could she? How could they? Gripping the baluster, she pressed her face into the opening between the slats. Her line of sight tunneled into the study. She would be safe on the staircase. She would be safe standing directly in front of them. They rarely noticed her.

Father lumbered into view. His gold watch chain swung over his corpulent belly. “You will do—”

Mother shuffled closer. Her claret-gown hovered above the polished ebony boots. “Now, Husband. Sofia is correct. Her beauty will fetch a very nice title.”

Laila bit her lip. Her eyes burned. When had her family become so mercenary?

“My associates don’t have titles.” Father stalked deeper into the room and disappeared.

Sofia lifted her chin. A white feather quivered in her upswept ebony hair. “Then let them marry Laila. She doesn’t do anything for the family.”

How could she? Laila sucked in a calming breath. Her sweaty palms slid down the baluster.

Mother beamed at Sofia. “A German shopkeeper’s son wouldn’t know how awkward that girl is, and, with her in another country, we won’t have to suffer her embarrassing episodes.”

Laila flinched at her mother’s indictment. How could they turn against her like this? How could they betray their country?

Father stormed toward her mother. “If Laila marries before October First, I won’t have a chance to get control of her dowry.”

Mother tsked. “I don’t know what your mother was thinking to leave her money to that awkward child.”

Father smoothed his hair. “She should have left the funds in my care and not Hartman and Flag’s.”

Money over nationalism. Money over family. Money over her. Swiping the tears from her eyes, Laila raked the coat from the railing and stuffed her arms through the sleeves.

“The answer is simple, Papa. Delay Laila’s wedding until October.” Sofia flounced onto a chaise lounge. Her slippers thudded to the carpet. “I’ll convince her to sign over the dowry to you, and that the marriage to a Prussian will save us all. Laila loves helping people.”

Air left Laila’s lungs. How could her family hold her in such contempt? Maybe she spilled a few glasses of punch, stumbled during a few dances, and said the wrong thing to Father’s associates, but they were her parents and sister. Weren’t they supposed to love her?

Surely, she was worthy of love.

Rune’s blue eyes stared back at her from her memory.

The children at the orphanage spoke of Rune Lambert. Of the success he’d made of his life and of the endless obstacles he’d overcome to rise in the ranks. He could help her.

Jerking her bag off the bottom stair, she rushed toward the front door. No one blocked her path. No one stopped her. No one cared enough. She choked on a sob and slipped out the door. Closing it gently behind her, she fled down the stoop to the sidewalk.

The guard on the corner jerked to face her.

Another on a ladder stopped replacing bulbs in the streetlamps to watch her.

She didn’t slow. She had to reach the hospital before her family decided to search for her.

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Friday Funny—Gonna Be a Bear

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