Does anyone really know the truth about Goblins?

With the nights lasting longer and Halloween just around the corner, it is only natural to think about things that go bump in the night. So I turned to the internet to find out what exactly goblins are. The internet is a wonderful thing. And if you visit more than one site, you’ll get contradicting information.

Take goblins for example.

Unlike other mythological creatures, goblins don’t seem to have a fixed origin.

Which is convenient for writers, but darned annoying if you’re trying to pin the little buggers down. Here’s what I’ve found (Warning: the contradictions may cause your head to explode):

Goblins range from a few inches tall to 2-3 feet tall, except for the Orcs (Lord of the Rings) who were human-sized.

They are ugly creatures with pointy features. Okay, this everyone agrees on. And are distant relations to Brownies and Elves. Ditto, although the Brownies and Elves may tell a different story.

Goblins are lazy and mischeivious (a big downgrade from evil–so maybe they’re just misunderstood). One reference said they take off human’s clothes when they’re sleeping (I’d really like to see someone caught in a compromising position use this one)

They do the work of slaves for witches but are considered equals. Yeah, don’t think about that too much.

They can wield magic (Harry Potter) or they can’t wield magic and therefore must rely heavily on technology to get power (Warcraft). Apparently, their inherent laziness prevents them from taking over the world and advancing their technology too far.

They are cunning and value gold (who doesn’t), but other times they’re stupid and easily manipulated (see the Orcs).

They can live in houses or in gardens.

In other words, that’s one hour of my life I won’t see again and I still don’t have a concrete answer. But I am picturing a Ferengi

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Who’s got my back-up?

Yep, for those who read my blog a few weeks ago, you’ll know that I am currently sans computer. To say, I’ve a computer addiction is to say someone is a little bit pregnant. Losing my apple green laptop has put a severe cramp in my writing time.

In fact, the story fairy is on haitus until I can ressurect the green machine. I’ve replaced the battery and nada, zip, zilch. So now I’ve ordered a new power cord and am hoping that solves the problemo. If not, I’ve got serious issues.

One being that my last back-up was in January 2012. Yeah, that kinda sucks. I may be able to use the green paperweight as a passive external drive and suck things off of it. Of course, that all depends on whether I can wrestle the desktop away from my daughter (who attends on line high school).  The parenting manual says mommy’s writing does not come before education, so I can’t pull rank.

All of this has got me revisiting online backups for my files. I have several means of back up such as discs, jump drives and email sent files, but no actual online storage although there’s lots of options out there.

Cox–my IP provides a generous amount of space, but what if I change providers. Then I have to remember to move stuff. I hate moving stuff.

Dropbox is free and I have 2 accounts there as my editor and cover artist both share files with me through it instead of sending me files.

CrashPlan charges a small fee but they have a sale on Black Friday for the whole year and will back-up your whole computer or whatever files you choose.

Jungle Disk charges about 2 dollars a month.

iCloud–from Apple, I have this for my ipad and don’t use it. It’s free up to a certain amount than you get charged.

Amazon also offers me free storage which I thought was where my kindlebooks and MP3 music went but nope, just checked and it’s empty. Music and ebooks are stored elsewhere.

Google docs is another possiblity. I use this to edit my novels with zumaya publications, so I’m familiar with it.

Yahoo groups is another place to store files, but then anyone can read them if they’re part of your group.

 

 

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Redaction: Dark Hope (part 3, unedited)

Chapter One

Damn Lister and the camel he humped his ass in on. Former Sergeant-Major David Dawson raised the bottle to his lips and tilted back his head. Watered brandy hit the back of his throat and burned down to his gut. Droplets ran down his chin. They hung suspended for a moment. He pinched the slick material of his white biohazard suit and held it away just as gravity freed the drops. They plopped onto his shirt and disappeared into the weave.

Great! Now, he’d smell like a drunken loser. Just what he’d been going for. Straightening, he plucked the bottle away from his lips. Fisting the amber glass, he lifted the bottle to eye level and blinked at the remaining liquid. Half gone. Well fuck. He wouldn’t be able to keep this up much longer.

Very carefully, he lowered the bottle to the floor. Glass scratched the concrete. With a sigh, he let his head fall back against the lead-plated wall at his back. A cold breeze stirred the ribbons attached to the vents of the greenhouse. Growing from the black loam boxed in wooden rectangles, verdant corn stalks scratched the sleeve of his suit. Another day loafing around, drinking and what did he have to show for it?

A broken relationship with Mavis Spanner, the most powerful woman left on the planet.

The men of his unit scattered to various mines and caverns in the valley.

The men of his former unit.

His lover had discharged the remaining men and women in the US Armed Forces. A hundred men in their cave system. Maybe a thousand total on the continent. He grabbed the bottle, raising it high.

Thanks for dying in droves.

But your services are no longer required.

David took a swig. Heat unfurled in his belly, seeped into his limbs. Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. He pulled the lip away from his mouth with a hollow pop. And here he sat, waiting–endlessly waiting for a purpose in this fubared world. He scratched the stubble on his chin.

Waiting sucked.

He set the bottle on the floor. Too bad he hadn’t come up with another option. Red light strobed the greenhouse in bloody hues. The ribbons deflated to flaccid pink lines on the dingy walls and the air handlers in the vestibule roared to life. Water gurgled through the white pipes over his head. Someone was in decontamination, washing the alpha, beta and other Greek radioactive particles from their protective suits.

He was about to have company. His heart raced. For a moment, he was a soldier hunting his enemy. The moment faded. He no longer wore uniform, carried a M-4, or had his men at his back. Those days died in the radioactive haze poisoning the planet. He was a man alone. No one covered his six, let alone knew where he was. Pulling his legs against his body, he pressed closer against the greenhouse wall.

The newcomers wouldn’t see him unless he wanted it. An alarm blared rattling the triple paned windows. The door was open.

“Come on,” a man growled. “The shift will start in fifteen minutes.”

David raked his fingers through his hair. Great! A work crew. They’ll be here for hours. He fished the cork out of his breast pocket and rammed it into the bottle’s neck. Once again he’d wasted his time. Might as well head back to the mines. Maybe a rock would fall on his head. At least, then he’d have something to show for his time.

“Nah, they’re going to be delayed.” Another man chuckled. His deep baritone was followed by a clang and hollow thud. “Someone forgot to fill their oxygen.”

David froze. This was not the farming crew after all.

“They can always come without it,” a third man piped up. His voice was reedy as if it hadn’t settled into his body.

Younger perhaps. David wedged the brandy between his covered boots. With steady hands, he parted the drooping foliage of the immature corn stalks. A screen of green blocked his view. Damn.

“And risk lung cancer?” The baritone laughed. “I don’t think so.”

Looking up, David stared at the readout on the wall. Nine-thousand-two-hundred-forty-four. And climbing. And that was this hour’s radiation blitz of their little valley. Anyone exposed to that amount could count on lung cancer, bone cancer and several other cancers only the survivors of Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and Chernobyl had ever heard of before.

If these men really had swapped full oxygen tanks with empty ones, the cocksuckers had just sentence three people to a horrible, drawn out death. Pushing the bottle against the side of the planter, David leaned forward. He wanted to see the bastards’ faces.

“Yeah, well, I don’t like waiting until the last minute for our harvesting.” Reedy squeaked. “We could get caught.”

David flattened his palms against the concrete. Cold leached into his hands. On all fours, he crawled toward the aisle between the planting beds.

“We’re not going to get caught.” Baritone tsked. “The bossman is smart.”

“So is the Doc.” The growler countered.

Mavis was smart. But so far she hadn’t been able to stop the poachers from stealing the fresh fruits and veggies from the communal gardens. David peered around the edge of the two foot high planting beds. No one stood at the end of the twenty-five foot aisle.

He scanned the center planting area. Metal tripods supported bush beans and pea vines. Through the leaves and stubby vegetables, he made out the white thighs of the newcomers and the helmets concealing their heads. The open visors were good but they’d have to look directly at him if he hoped to see their faces.

“She’s not that smart.” Baritone smacked one of the bean heaps. The tripod supporting it wobbled but didn’t fall over thanks to the wires running up to the beams supporting the greenhouse’s roof. The UV lamps overhead wobbled. “Besides she has her hands full now that her lapdog has run away.”

David stiffened. Fuckin-A. Lapdog? Him? Rolling back on his heels, he smoothed his khaki shirt, ignoring the rips and stains. He was a United States Soldier. And a damn good one, too.

“You think the rumors are true then?” Reedy’s voice wavered over the muffled tap of their protective boots. “The Sergeant-Major has left her for good?”

What? David blinked. He thought the rumors had Mavis tossing him out on his fatigue-covered ass.

“I didn’t hear anything about it.” Grumble’s voice flattened out as if the subject bored him.

Hell, it bored David, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to hear the gossip. No, not wanted, needed to hear the gossip. Maybe one day, he’d hear something good. Through the beans, he watched his targets close in on the hydroponics baths on the other side of the greenhouse. Their white suits blocked out the globes of ruby red tomatoes.

“That’s because it’s all hush-hush.” Baritone snorted. The velvety green bush trembled and the ripped fruit disappeared into a pockets designed to hold a spare oxygen tank on their back. “But the Bossman knows. He said, the Bitch Doctor underestimated the lapdog’s loyalty to the service when she disbanded the military.”

At least the assholes had gotten that right. With narrowed eyes, David peered through the foliage. A red ball shot up through the greenery. It fell and was caught by a hand with hairy knuckles. He’d bet his purple heart, that was Baritone.

“Guess the Sergeant-Major has a pair of balls after all.” Baritone chuckled. The tomato flew up again. This time no hand caught it. “Oops!”

David winced at the watery splat. Maybe he should introduce the jackwagon to the balled up fingers at the end of his wrists. He’d oops the cretin’s teeth right out the back of his skull for wasting food.

“What if the break-up is a set up?” Reedy’s voice cracked over the last word.

David scuttled backward. God he could be such an idiot. He hadn’t thought people might dissect his personal life, twisting his misfortune into their own entertainment. Then again, these were criminals of the worse kind. Stealing from the community for their own purposes–whatever they might be. Thinking others were deceitful was in their nature. Baritone pulled two green tomatoes off the vine and dropped them on the floor.

“The Bossman has ears inside the Doc’s quarters. It’s not a setup.”

Flinching, David collapsed against the wall. A listening device in their room explained Reedy’s version. He swallowed the lump in his throat. And they had heard Mavis beg him to stay, then her defeat when he couldn’t be swayed from his course. Not after–

Baritone pivoted on his heel and closed in on the next bush. “Stop being a pussy, Quartermain.”

Quartermain. David’s muscles twitched. Holy shit! No wonder the voice sounded young. Justin Quartermain was just seventeen. And he was the grandson of Mavis’s late neighbor. This betrayal would hurt her almost as much as his leaving.

“I’m not a pussy!” Tomato guts oozed between Justin’s fingers and leaked into the gloves suspended from his wrists. “The Sergeant-Major is a trained investigator. He could be undercover. He could be looking for us.”

David carefully adjusted the corn fronds, concealing him better but still giving him line of sight. Everyone who’d attended the psychopath’s trial knew he’d investigated murders. Yet, most people remembered him and his men giving their departed loved ones a little dignity when they’d been collected for mass burial or doling out food that helped them survive the flu pandemic. So why did Justin only see him as an investigator?

“David Dawson is a grunt–cannon fodder.” Baritone snapped the main trunk of the tomato bush then moved on to the next one. “He’s not even a real officer.”

Justin shambled behind him. The biohazard fabric whispered where it rubbed together. “He brought down the preacher man–took him out to the dessert and put a bullet through his brain.”

If only. David pressed his palms on the cold cement to keep them from rolling into fists. Trent Powers had deserved a bullet through the brain for caving in Private First Class Singleton’s head. Instead the bastard had gotten eaten by coyotes. Not that Powers’ fate was common knowledge. Of course, that didn’t make the scumbucket any less dead. Or dampen the military conspiracists enthusiasm.

Baritone grunted and continued to pick the next bush clean. “Dawson’s nothing. A nobody. He’s incapable of thought beyond yes, sir and saluting.”

David rolled his shoulders against the soft fabric of his shirt. Nothing wrong with showing a little respect. Besides, the trio of tomato terrorists weren’t exactly pillars of leadership, otherwise why would they need a bossman?

Grumble shook his head but swallowed his disagreement. “I’ve got the last of the tomatoes.”

Baritone plucked the plants out of their buckets. Blobs of vermiculite and a length of cord swung down causing dark liquid to dot his suit. He threw the plant on the ground and stomped on it. Twisting his lower body, he ground everything in to the concrete. “Let’s get the potatoes.”

David thighs quivered. If the bastard was alone, he’d beat the shit out of him. But Baritone had company. And that bossman asshole would probably just send someone else to destroy the gardens. David inhaled to a count of four then exhaled. His muscles slowly relaxed. He would find them again, in the dark caves.

Baritone and Grumble’s wet soles squeaked as they stomped toward the tire forest. Green leaves sprouted from the stacks of black rings. When Baritone reached the first set of five tires, he rammed it with his shoulder. The tower toppled over vomiting black loam and fist-sized potatoes.

David ground his teeth together. God dammit! Those potatoes were supposed to be French fries on his dinner plate. Now they were being used for God knew what. Well, he’d follow the bastards and get the vegetables back. Justin would be the easiest target. But why start doing things the easy way now? He’d go after Baritone.

Justin picked up a plant, plucked the brown spuds from the hairy roots then stuffed them in his spare tank pocket. “Aren’t we saving any for the others?”

Baritone kicked the other potato beds over. “Hell, no. Bossman says we’re to take everything that’s edible.”

“Why?” Justin shook the plant in his hand. Dirt dusted his suit and the small potatoes swung in circles from their stems. “We’ve always left stuff behind.”

“Because the bossman said so.” Baritone shredded plants after he ripped off their fruit. “The sheep following the Bitch Doctor need to be taught a lesson.”

Grumble stared at the ruins lapping at his feet. “They could starve.”

“So?” Baritone whipped around on his heel and grabbed the front of Grumble’s suit. “Sheep are made for sacrifice.”

Grumble’s suit shrink-wrapped his scrawny frame when he wiggled. “I didn’t sign on to kill folks.”

Baritone shoved his face into the other man’s until their helmets tapped. “Either you believe we survived the apocalypse to remake humanity or you don’t. I’m sure the Bossman would want to know which side you’re on before he ascends to power.”

A chill snaked down David’s back. Son of a bitch. That bastard Trent Powers had said similar things when he’d traveled with them. Someone had been listening.

And that someone was still in the group.

After a moment, Baritone released the man with a shove. Grumble slipped on the loose dirt before falling. The single oxygen tank on his back clanged when it hit the floor.

Baritone loomed over him. “Which side are you on?”

On all fours, Grumble scuttled backward. “Yours. Yours, of course.” About six feet away, he stopped, raked the plants into a pile before shoving them stalks and all into the pouch at his back.

Shaking his head, Baritone retreated. “You’re on the side of the righteous, those worthy of being saved. We will guide the sheep onto the path of grace.”

Christ! The man was a religious nut job. Mavis hadn’t gotten rid of Trent Powers fast enough. His poison was still here. Still spreading. But how? Most of the bastard’s minions had been killed with him. The answer illuminated David’s thoughts. Well, hell, two minions had survived: Dirk Benedict and Jake Turner.

David smiled. So much for his boring afternoon. Hell, if he was right, he wouldn’t even get to finish Lister’s brandy before nabbing the bad guys. With luck, he’d be back in Mavis’s bed by nightfall.

“We shouldn’t take it all.” Justin added more potatoes to his pack. “They’ll start looking for us.” He dropped the smaller ones to the ground, still attached to their roots and leaves.

Well, damn. David licked his lips. Maybe he should start with the kid. Except for the fact that Justin viewed him as the bad guy, they might just have a common aim.

Baritone kicked at the soil, spraying it in the air. “They’ll be too busy in the week ahead to look for us. And the Bossman says we’ll need to lay in supplies because things are gonna get real ugly, real quick.”

Dirt showered David’s position. Fuck. Lister was right. The vegetable thieves were after more than fresh salads.

Regime change was on their menu.

“What’s he want with all of this anyway?” Potatoes wobbled in Justin’s fists. “I know he’s fat, but he can’t possibly eat this much food.”

Fat meant Dirk Benedict. Jake Turner was medium build. Was it possible not everyone knew Bossman’s secret identity? Or had David gotten it wrong? Maybe Jake Turner wasn’t involved at all. Nah. David shook his head. His gut told him the wormy lawyer was up to his briefs in sabotage. But he had to prove it.

“You want me to tell him you said that?” Baritone hurled a potato at Justin. “You’ll be at the bottom of the food chain when he rises to power with the rest of the murdering soldiers.” Mu

rdering soldiers? David filed away the information. Maybe it would provide the key to Baritone’s identity.

With a hollow thump, the spud hit Justin left of square in the chest. The kid raised his hands to catch it. The potato bounced from hand to hand before falling to the ground.

David chewed on his bottom lip. Interesting. Justin Quartermain had the reflexes of a hunting panther. So why had he fumbled the hot potato? Perhaps, the boy was involved in his own investigation. But at whose behest? Lister? Nah, the general wanted this kept in the military family. The lights blinked off then on. No. No. Not now. David glanced from the door to the thieves.

“What the fuck!” Grumble screeched. “I thought you said they’d be delayed.”

“They should have been.” Baritone sealed his pack. “Let’s get out of here before they come down the mountain.”

“Bossman will meet us at the secret entrance, right?” Grumble yanked out several plants before closing his bag.

“Of course.” Baritone zipped down his visor.

Secret entrance? These fuckers had a secret entrance? Christ, what if they didn’t seal it properly. The cave system could become irradiated and then where would they go? They had about twenty radiation suits between all the caves, and they could only pump half an hours worth of oxygen into each tank.

David shuffled his priorities. First, he’d find the asshole’s secret entrance, arrange to have it sealed forever, then he’d have a little chat with Quartermain.

Fabric swishing, the trio jogged toward the vestibule.

Red light strobed through greenhouse. The light died, leaving only the buzzing UV light. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Ready or not, here I come. David peeked over the tops of the corn plants before straightening. Vertebra popped. Damn, he was getting old. He picked up the brandy bottle, then collected the cameras stashed in bean tripods in the center of the room. This one might give him a visual on their faces.

Whistling, he strode to the front and grabbed the camera wedged in between the corn stalk and leaves. This one definitely would show him his enemy. He kissed the rectangular body then tucked it into his pocket.

Water gurgled through the pipes just as he set his helmet on his head.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Either age was slowing him down or the workers were getting faster. So much for plan A. And getting caught would end his investigation just as he’d finally gotten a break. Avoiding the dirt scouring the floor, he raced to the back of the greenhouse. He parted the black flaps and slid inside the portal.

One way or another, he get out of here and track the bastards.

No one threatened Mavis.

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Romance and danger all in one gorgeous package

Please tell us about your newest book.

Deadly Relations, the third book of the Deadly Trilogy, was published on September 21.  Here is a brief description of the plot.

A serial killer of young women hides in plain sight in a quiet county in the Midwest.  He hides behind a friendly face that inspires trust, a personality that is charming and persuasive, and a rage to kill.

Detective Jennifer Brennan knows that an abduction is the equivalent of a nuclear blast to a family. So when three young women go missing and are found murdered on her watch, she vows to find the killer — or die trying.

Detective Blake Stone has been looking for a woman like Jennifer Brennan his entire life.  Now that he’s found her, can he convince her to trust again?

Two detectives race against time to find the killer before he strikes again.  It is the most important case of their careers.  It could be their last.

What can we expect from you in the future?

My next book Profile of Evil will be published in the spring of 2013.  It is the first book of the Profile Trilogy. Here is a brief description of the plot.

Carly Stone is a brilliant FBI agent who’s seen more than her share of evil.  Leaving the agency, she becomes a consultant for Indiana County Sheriff Brody Chase.  He needs her help to catch a savage killer who is luring teenaged girls to their death in the handsome sheriff’s community.

The two are determined to stop a dangerous predator before he takes another life — at any cost.

 

How can we find out more about you and your books?

My books are sold on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iBooks, Smashwords, Kobo, Sony, Diesel and more.

Website: http://www.alexa-grace.net/

Twitter: http://twitter.com/AlexaGrace2

Facebook Author Page:  https://www.facebook.com/AuthorAlexaGrace

Facebook Alexa Grace Street Team: http://www.facebook.com/AlexaGraceStreetTeam

How can readers contact you?

I love hearing from readers.  Readers can contact me at alexagrace@cfl.rr.com.

 

Do your readers’ comments influence you in any way?

Absolutely!  Early in my journey, I pledged to stay close to my readers and listen to them. What I am hearing from them (loud and clear) is that they want to continue to hear about the characters introduced to them in the Deadly Trilogy series. So in the Profile Series, some of those characters will pop in and out.

I had no idea that I would enjoy hearing from readers as much as I do. An email from one of them has the potential to make my day.

How did you get started writing?

I wrote a romance novel in 1985, went the traditional route and it was not published.  I made a career change that year and for the next 25 plus years; I devoted myself 100% to my training management positions.  When I lost my job in 2011, I did a lot of Internet research in self-publishing.  Indie authors like Theresa Ragan and John Locke really motivated me to take the indie route. Like them, I wanted to retain control of book design, writing, marketing, etc.  Thus, my indie journey began.

Where do your ideas come from?

I have always had a vivid imagination.  I think of a possible plot then play the “what if game” with myself.

What is the easiest part of writing?  The hardest?

My favorite and easiest part of writing is playing the “what if game” with myself.  Since my books include crimes and crime scenes, I play this game quite a lot.

Like most Indie authors, having to spend time on other things like marketing when I am in the middle of writing an important scene is tough.

I recently created a street team of amazing readers who pledge to take over some of the book promotion so that I can write more books.  I’m very lucky to have them.’

Please leave a message for Alexa for a chance to win one of these wonderful mugs:

Deadly Relations Blurb:

In Deadly Relations, a serial killer of young women hides in plain sight in a quiet county in the Midwest.  Concealed behind a friendly and trustworthy face, no one knows he has a rage to kill he can’t control — until it’s too late.

Detective Jennifer Brennan, still haunted by her abduction five years before, devotes her life to serve and protect others.  So when three young women go missing and are found murdered on her watch, she vows to find the killer — or die trying.

A personal relationship with her partner, Detective Blake Stone, would be career suicide. But the connection Jennifer has with him is nothing short of electric.  Working with Blake daily and denying her attraction is hard.  But when he moves in to protect her, resisting him becomes pure torture.

As they fight temptation, two detectives race against time to find the killer before he strikes again.  It is the most important case of their careers.  It could be their last.

Buy Links:

U.S. Amazon http://amzn.com/B009EJ1BDS

U.K. Amazon  http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B009EJ1BDS

Smashwords  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/237887

Author Bio

Alexa’s journey started in March 2011 when the Sr. Director of Training & Development position she’d held for thirteen years was eliminated. A door closed but another one opened. She finally had the time to pursue her dream of writing books — her dream since childhood. Her focus is now on writing riveting romantic suspense novels.

Alexa earned two degrees from Indiana State University and currently lives in Florida. She’s a member of Romance Writers of America (national) as well as the Florida Chapter.

Her books Deadly Offerings and Deadly Deception have consistently been listed on Amazon’s Top 100 Bestselling Romantic Suspense Books. She was recently named one of the top 100 Indie authors by Kindle Review.  A chapter is devoted to her in the book Interviews with Indie Authors by C. Ridgway and T. Ridgway.

Her writing support team includes five Miniature Schnauzers, three of which are rescues. As a writer, she is fueled by Starbucks lattes, chocolate and emails from readers.

Her book Deadly Offerings is the first of her Deadly Trilogy. The second book of the trilogy, Deadly Deception, is available now as is Deadly Relations, the final book of the Deadly Trilogy.

Profile of Evil, the first book of the Profile Trilogy will be available in spring 2013.

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New Release: Brianna–a historical paranormal romance

So I finally found out the print book came out this last weekend.


Love, lies, and an ancient Egyptian curse… Brianna Grey holds the key to mankind’s destruction. Brianna spent most of her life dying until one man’s kiss resurrected her desire to live. However, before she can get on with life, she must return an ancient artifact to Egypt before someone willing to commit murder gets it away from her. For aspiring US Treasury Agent Duncan Stuart, love means death. He works alone, lives alone and plans to die alone…until he meets Brianna again. Under the harsh Egyptian sun, he will break all his rules to save her. But will that be enough, given the secret Brianna knows that could get them both killed?

amazon

barnes and noble

Coming soon to kindle and nook

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A Woman Walks into her home and…

Sits down at her computer. She touches the screen. Nothing. It’s like staring into the abyss.

Being smart, she jabs the power button and rejoices to hear the sound of the gerbils rising and boarding their wheel.

And then…

Nothing. The screen remain dark. The lights rimming the keyboard are dark.

What the !#*K

Because anger tends to shortcircuit the logic functions, she tries again.

And again

And AGAIN.

Still an unlit paperweight. Alrighty then. She unplugs the thing, takes a shower and returns to repeat the procedure.

The laptop computer’s response remains unchanged.

Finally, she grabs her things and rushes off to work. Bobbing and weaving through the traffic and playing chicken with a bus, she finally remembers this has happened before. Perhaps, the battery has gone.

So she orders one during her break.

Now the waiting begins.

Meanwhile, a story isn’t being written because the computer that is left in the house doesn’t have word processing software and the woman can’t find her copy of MS Office.

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It’s not a Tumor, okay, it kinda is

As this is unofficially pink ribbon month, I thought I’d share a story with you. My mother is a breast cancer survivor; My dad fights his own battle with melanomias and won his fight against prostrate cancer. Yet, the very word cancer is the  stuff of nightmares.

Last November, we got another scare when my dad had to have part of his lung biopsied to check for cancer. Those were very long weeks. And I’m very thankful that it was just scar tissue. Scar tissue is pretty normal for those who live in Phoenix. Valley Fever tends to  leave its mark on us long after we recover.

You’d think with such a family  history, I’d be certain to get my yearly check-ups. You’d be wrong. I hate those stirrups. On our recent trip to Colorado, we stopped in at a medical museum and there were those darn things apparently in use since at least the mid-1800s. Ugh. I guess it doesn’t really matter. Even painted pink and bejeweled, it would still be hideous.

But they serve a purpose and what’s more hideous than stirrups (and its pal the duck-billed spectula) is dying of something that needn’t kill you if caught early enough. So off I went. And to punish myself for delaying my exam by a year, I decided to have a complete workup.

Over several weeks I had blood work taken, my mammo and accompanying ultrasound (because I have dense boobs, not that I am a dense boob)  and then the piece de la resistance, I had a lung xray.

You see, I’ve had a chronic cough for about a year. Couple my dad’s scare with spending the first 20 years of my life with a smoker, the next 20 living in a house with asbestos (yes, I disturbed it) and sprinkle in a rather toxic exposure to chemicals that scarred my lungs and did nasty things to my liver (although it’s much better now) and you have a pretty good cancer cocktail.

So after all my tests, I learned I have a Vitamin D deficiency. Yep, I live in AZ but I wear sun screen. Cancer or Vitamin D. I’m taking a supplement. I did manage to have one fibroid in my breast go away. Come on menopause!

And then came the x-ray results.

It seems there was a shadow on my lung–lower left.

Huh? That wasn’t supposed to happen. After my doctor cleared it with my insurance, I made the appointment to have the CT scan. I can tell you I wrote zilch for two weeks. Why? Well scar tissue is as common around here as red-skinned tourists so that meant the x-ray had revealed something else. Something potentially sinister.

My husband went with me to get the CT scan. After tasting and sniffing the saline then feeling like I wet myself with the iodine, I managed not to freak out in the ring so they could take their pictures.

That was Friday. After a long weekend, Monday finally arrived and I waited for the phone call from the doctor. And waited. And waited. Bejeweled Blitz was my friend because I couldn’t really think about much of anything.

Finally, I called the doctor. The results had just been faxed to her and she’d get back to me the next morning. Ack! Thankfully, my GP is excellent and she had her assistant get back to me within the hour.

My lungs are clear–no sign of the shadow.

I have a gall stone that doesn’t bother me, so I won’t bother it.

And I have a benign tumor on my adrenal gland.

Life is good.

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Coupons Are Evil

Yep, the title says it all. And if you think about it, retailers are offering you a deal but only if you buy on their terms.

Buy before dates.

Buy between dates.

Buy one get one deals.

Forty percent off regular priced item

10 dollars off a purchase of $50 or more

And the evilest of all: 10 dollar off a later purchase if you spend X now. Insidious as you now must return.

Sure, they sound like good things, but look at the snake under the lizard skin.

Just how much are the prices jacked up to offer such steep time limited discounts?

Ugh! Is it any wonder I hate shopping?

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Sniffle, Sneeze, Cough, Kill Me Now Season

Ahhh, autumn! Cooler weather. Cheap chocolate. Fall foliage. The sniffles.

Uh, yep, it’s almost cold and flu season. Everyone’s favorite time of the year, I’m sure. Which means it is time to face the medicine cabinet (insert shrieks of horror here).

My medicine cabinet is not in the bathroom as so many people seem to think it belongs (that’s a story for another post). I keep all my medicines in the kitchen, in a cabinet that holds the odd ball glassware. You know the fancy dessert dishes, wine glasses, cheese plates, etc.

Why?

Because most medications are taken with food and downed with water (except for all you snake people who down the pills dry–ick!). Seriously, water or other fluids, excluding alcohol, held dissolve those pills and absorb the medicine into the body faster.

Okay, I’m a little off topic.

Since the season of coughing, sneezing, icky feeling is almost upon us, it is a good idea to go through the medicine cabinet and make sure I’m well supplied. Cough drops, aspirin, Tylenol, Dayquil, Nyquil, Chloroseptic (really desperate to use that), and Vicks Vaporub are essential. This is also the time that I stock up on bandaids and antibiotic cream and check my supply of Betadine, iodine,  rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide plus that supply of salt.

It is also the time to dispose of all those prescriptions you didn’t quite use up. You know the ones I mean. My children never take all their antibiotics and then there’s the pain meds prescribed when teeth were removed. Despite being an avid recycler, I refuse to increase the profits of the local drug dealer by turning them over to him for resale.

So what can you do with those meds.

Flushing them down the toilet is actively discouraged as the waste water treatment doesn’t completely get rid of the  pharmaceuticals. Now cities are advocating that you check with your local pharmacy to see if they’ll take them back for proper disposal. Or take them out of their packages and mix them with coffee grounds, kitty litter and put them in an empty coffee can or sealed plastic bag and throw them in the trash. For more information on how to dispose of unused medicines in your community check with your local utility or check out this one, complete with federal links for more information, at  http://www.glendaleaz.com/utilities/documents/drugdispos_brochure.pdf

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Decorating for Halloween

Yes, it is my favorite time of year. The weather is cooler (below 100F) and the cactus leaves (that would be thorns to you outsiders) start to change color.

Okay, I made the last part up. For the most part, I import my colored leaves. And while they’re not pictured I have hung the autumnal garland around the lights over my dining room table.

Elsewhere, I have decorated our bookshelves in my Halloween goodies:

the pumpkin on top holds candy. Not for long, mind you, but for a little bit. Especially those lovely 10 lb bags of bubble gum and blow pops.

This house is one I found at Goodwill and while I still haven’t found my fall trees that go with the set, I love this house the best.

The graveyard tours house is the latest addition to our family as are the two zombies climbing out of the grave. My husband picked them out and when we got home to put it up, I noticed pieces were broken. Back to the store I went and viola this one is not broken.

And this one is the reason why no one should decorate their house while they are sick. You see under the influence of aspirin and antihistamines I hung our ghoulish addition from last year. In the morning when I went to take the dog for a walk early in the morning, I about jumped out of my skin when the dang thing grabbed my hair.

Thankfully, no one woke up:-)

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