Are you having a bad day?

Posted on March 30, 2012 by Linda Andrews

So my mom sent me this and it made my day so I thought I would share with others, that way I don’t have to write a blog post. I keep telling myself there are far more dangerous jobs than being a chemist:-) Now I have proof.

If you don’t laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it’s real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana .

He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM  in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,  Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all .

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a  few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.

So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature.

It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.  Within a few seconds my butt started to burn . I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with Five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, ‘I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.’

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

Posted in Life Observations | Tagged | 1 Comment

How Many Trips to the Home Improvement Store Does it Take?

Posted on March 28, 2012 by Linda Andrews

How many trips to the home improvement store does it take to complete a project?

It really depends on the job being done.

Take, for instance, the small job my husband and I did last week. The plunger that enables us to backwash our pool had gotten stuck and we were literally shoving water down the drain each night the pump ran. Now, we’d replaced the o-rings before so we knew exactly how big a pain in the a** it would be.

But we were off and the weather was cool and it was wasting water therefore we decided to do it. Off to the pool store we went and purchased a small package containing all the o-rings God and man made for the plunger. Next, we went outside and stared at the pool equipment before deciding the next day would be better for working on the pool.

The next day came all too soon and we went back outside. Now, anyone can look up online and see how the replacement of the rings is supposed to go. Unscrew a couple of screws then twist and turn the plunger until presto the thing come out and you can replace the rings. What the helpful b@stards don’t tell you it that the rings become swollen/deformed/stretched/possessed by the devil, so the handy-dandy lying fathead method of twisting and turning gets you a snapped off handle and a trip to the garage to look for something to grab ahold of the stupid stick.

Been there, done that.

Never plan on taking that trip again.

So instead of following the bogus advice, we started out with the hard way. For those whose every action is surrounded by rainbows, cotton candy and unicorns, the hard way involves grunting, swearing, bargaining with God and a few dirty looks as to who actually thought a pool was such a good idea anyway.

Here’s how it went:

“We have to pull the filter back then to the side.” Said filter is its own quantum singularity, possessing more mass than is possible for its size. “Yeah. Um, you push; I’ll pull.” Picture a tangle of arms and legs as my husband and I both try find a grip on the filter from hell. “On the count of three. One. Two. Three.” Veins pop. Muscles protest. My spine threatens mutiny. But the filter moves back half an inch and water gushes out where the filter connects to the backwash assembly. (Now for all of you who know a bit about pools, we did not open the filters plug because we didn’t want to lose all the sand we’d put in last year) So there:P

“THis is good. It’ll be lighter.”

Lighter being subjective in the universe.

After ten minutes, the water has stopped draining and we’re ready to try again. Now our sneakers are squelching in the mud and every push/pull shoves us deeper into the muck. But it’s chlorinated muck, so it’s clean. Also relative in the universe. After a half hour and a completely useless dolly whose wheels sunk up to their axles into the mud, we have it in place.

Now the games begin. It starts with a useless head lamp–because you can’t look down the hole while shining the light down because there’s not enough room. Using our fingers and an Xacto knife, we find the ring and try to cut the o-ring while it’s snug in it’s groove. After a few minutes, my husband goes to the garage to forage for a piece of metal to hook the ring. Miracle of miracles, he manages it on the first time then snips it with the scissors. Now he has to go back to the garage to get a pair of needle-nose pliers to grab the clipped o-ring. Returning, he grabs hold of the end and pulls while I spin the plunger. Out it comes. Yippee!

And, to add a cherry to the day, we can now remove the plunger assembly just like directed on the internet. Life is good. The new o-rings were added, the thing greased and quick as you please, everything goes back together.

All that’s left is shoving the filter back in place. The awkward shifting is accomplished with the help of ropes to give us more leverage and soon we’re tightening the connections and turning on the pump.Water sprays from the expected plunger assembly until my husband tightens the compression joints. But then leaks start at the dead salt cell.

WTF?!

No amount of tightening stops the flood. So off goes the pump.

“What do you want to do?”

Since shooting myself or the equipment is out of the question, I opt for plan be. “Screw it. Let’s take out the cell. We’re not using it anyway.”

“Okay.” Hubby returns from a trip to the garage with a hacksaw. “Where?”

“Here.” I indicate a spot passed the salt cell’s sensors.He saws through the pipes then off we go to the home improvement store.

Trip#1–a length of two-inch pipe, two elbows, two connectors, cleaner for the pipe, and special cement for poolshome again, measure and cut (this time with a saw’s all for squarer cuts). Then a dry fit to make sure everything works. Dismantling everything, I open the cleaner, but it isn’t cleaner–it’s cement. Sh!t. A quick trip to the garage unearths a bottle with a bit of cleaner still inside. Score. Outside, we clean the ends then open the special cement for pools.

“Uh, is it supposed to look like set Jell-o?”

“No, it’s supposed to look like snot. See?” Hubby opens up the cement I accidentally purchased and shows off the appropriate consistency.

Trip#2-exchange Jell-o cement for snot-like cement. I tell the lady at the counter that I plan to open the tin to make sure it’s good. Knock yourself out.

Walking passed the joints to get to the cement, I remark, “You know, since we’re here we should get the pieces to repair that other part that is leaking.”

“Since we’re here.”

Except here doesn’t have a piece that will reduce a 2 inch pipe to 1 and 1/2″ pipe. “We’ll hit the other home improvement store across the road on the way home.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Out we go with our tin of snotty cement.

No reducer at the next store, but the gray cells in my head are clicking to life and there’s these things called bushings… If I insert one into a connector, I get a reducer. Don’t judge me, at least I got it.

I pick up a connector and a bushing and off we go.We assemble the pieces with the nice new glue then put them into place. Next we take off the joint that was leaking. And I measure from the old piece for the new piece when I realize that I need one more connector.

Trip#3-(because the side trip to the second home improvement store doesn’t count. My husband called it.) We pick up a connector, then look for Goop to clean our hands–which no one carries–but we did find handwipes for plumbers which did a fantastic job of cleaning the dirty grease off.

Home again and I measure the size based on the piece we’d taken off. yeah. After assembling it I go to put it in place and realize the stupidity of my actions. But was I going to make another trip to the hardware store? Not if I could help it. So with a little jostling, swearing and bargaining with God, I managed to get it on with enough overlap to get a good seal and let it sit overnight. The next day, I turned on the pump. No leaks!

Yippee!

So it only took three trips to fix the pump. That’s a record I hope never to break.

Posted in Hobbies | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

The Modified Vacation

Posted on March 26, 2012 by Linda Andrews

My vacation didn’t go as planned. I’m sure anyone who’s taken a vacation could say the same thing. But before you think I’m an over planner, I’m not. The extent of my plans involves checking the map to see where I want to go/see then get in the car and go. Packing, etc is reserved for the last minute. So where did my vacation go off track? Um, it snowed. Big time up north right where I planned to go. Yeah, most of you are probably laughing. But I have been in snow 5 times in the last 40 years–you know the kind that sticks to the ground. I’ve seen it– on TV and it has snowed in Phoenix but it barely touched the ground before melting or in rare cases lasted an hour. The last time I was in snow was when we drove up to Flagstaff for my daughter to check out NAU. Cars and tractor trailers overturned in front of us or skidded off the road. Not exactly encouraging me to repeat the experience. Now my husband is from Brooklyn, NY and has snow experience. So he could have driven, like before. And I trust my husband with my life–even though he takes those left hand turns a little close when I’m in the passenger seat. But on our Arizona backroads, towns are 60 miles apart and cell phone service is non existent. As for those ‘call for help phones’ on the side of the road–forget about it. There ain’t none. So… we did some home improvement projects while waiting for the weather to warm up and melt some of that snow. And it did, well at least most of it on the roads. So on Wednesday, we piled into the car and set off. Now might be a good time to mention that aside from a brief foray into the wild in October, my husband and I haven’t really been alone for a road trip in over 22 years. It was a bit freaky not having children asking when we were going to get there or asking when we were going to stop. The silence was quite nice. We actually could talk about nothing and something or not talk at all. So what did we do? We toured the northeastern part of the state to see what could happen during the bug out in the Redaction sequel. And my husband was very good at laying out defensive positions in Strawberry, Arizona where part of the convoy would travel and be ambushed. And of course, part of the trip isn’t going to work for the book so I’ll be taking another road trip in May but this time, we’re going to sleep over without the kids. Here are my observations from the trip which are completely random: Old butts need comfortable seats to travel in, which may mean an investment in lumbar pillows. God help the characters traveling in those personnel carriers. There are very few passable routes during a snow storm for vehicles. Fireroads are out of the question and washes will be flooded. Yet, there aren’t enough small towns, side roads to get around the rim country other than the state roads. Many of the small towns have been hit hard by the changing economy. Along the main road, many stores/restaurants had already been closed and boarded up, making it very easy to see how they would look if a pandemic really did hit. Add in the recent fires and the devastation to the old stand pine forest is mind boggling (and can lead to mud slides) Folks in my state are actually preparing for the end of centralized government, are generally ticked off at the government, and sell ammo and guns near churches. Gotta love that. Pine trees make effective road blocks on narrow streets. There was a totem pole in Strawberry, which was very cool. Most of the diners on the main drags (when there were some) served Mexican American food. But the burgers, etc were only served after 4 pm. So did fast food chains drive out the others? Some towns didn’t have any. And there is only so much fast food I want to eat. EVER. You can see the San Francisco Peaks in Flagstaff from Holbrook, 90+ miles away. The train tracks are well maintained. And lastly, my husband can catch snowballs and throw most of the snow back at me. He’s a man of many talents:-)

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The Story of Three Regencies by Berengaria Brown

Posted on March 24, 2012 by Linda Andrews

Ever since reading Georgette Heyer as a pre-teen, I’ve loved Regency romances, so I guess it was inevitable that sooner or later I’d write some myself. My three MF romances about the Arnott family, the “Virgins No More” series, are out now.

“The Vicar’s Virgin” Blurb:
The Reverend Mr. Ridley needs a wife so he focuses his attentions on Georgina Arnott, a sensible, intelligent, yet attractive woman.
On their wedding night he’s relieved to discover she enjoys the pleasures of the bed, and, after a slow start, their evenings are full of passion and joy for both of them.
Unfortunately, when she takes an interest in his parish, it seems to involve filling his house with noisy people tramping muddy boots through the hallways, and filling his kitchen with dirty children.
He loves his wife. But can this marriage work?
Buy link: http://www.evernightpublishing.com/the-vicars-virgin-by-berengaria-brown/

“Almost a Virgin” Blurb:
Theodora has loved John Smith ever since she was a little girl. But he’s very wealthy and she is only a vicar’s daughter and sister.
John had been waiting for Theodora to grow up. When he kisses Theodora in the garden at the ball, lust roars through him and he takes her there in the garden, fully dressed, only a few yards away from a hundred people. She’s warm and more than willing in his arms, and it’s not until the deed is done that he realizes he’s just dishonored his best friend’s sister.
Theodora doesn’t regret what she’s done. She enjoyed it and wants more of him. Even though he’s only marrying her because he dishonored her, she doesn’t care. She’ll make him so happy in bed and in his home he’ll stay with her even though he may never love her.
Buy link: http://www.evernightpublishing.com/almost-a-virgin-by-berengaria-brown/

“A Promising Virgin” Blurb:
Zethan, Earl of Mitcham, decides, after careful thought, that the stunningly beautiful Miss Sapphira Arnott will make him the perfect wife. It’s only when she declines his oh-so-flattering offer, that he realizes how rude and arrogant he’d been to her and her brother, and how much he loves her. The only solution is to woo her properly.
Meanwhile Simeon Arnott is in love with Miss Anne Smith. But she’s incredibly rich and he’s a mere Baronet. Fortunately her brother and she herself accept his proposal and they have an extremely successful wedding night. Their ball, however, is almost less than successful thanks to the “help” of the three youngest Arnotts and their plans to go one better than a recent much-talked-about society event.
The Season is almost over. Can Zethan win his lady’s trust?
BUY LINK: http://www.evernightpublishing.com/a-promising-virgin-by-berengaria-brown/

“The Vicar’s Virgin” Excerpt PG13
Barnabas tapped lightly on the connecting door and stepped into her bedroom. She was on her hands and knees, her lush, rounded ass high in the air as she reached under the bed for something. He’d never really looked at her ass before. By day it was covered in layers of skirts and petticoats. By night he had previously been more interested in her breasts, but now he couldn’t drag his gaze off it. The globes of her ass were every bit as enticing as the globes of her breasts. They gleamed palely through the soft blue of her bed gown, calling to him. His dick hardened painfully, pressing against his breeches and begging him to reconsider his decision about not bedding her this night.
He hardened his heart. She needed his instructions on how to behave. “Mrs. Ridley,” he said firmly.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She backed out from under the bed, holding her hairbrush in one hand. “I dropped it and it bounced under the bed,” she explained unnecessarily.
She stood up, her face delightfully pink, the bed gown as sheer and clinging as the previous two he’d seen. He had to force himself to concentrate on his task instead of looking at her breasts. Or mourning the fact he wasn’t going to hold her warm, voluptuous body in his arms tonight. He really wanted to see that ass naked.
“I wanted to talk to you about bringing the people into the house for the decorating today.”
“Bringing them into the house?” She looked adorably confused. And totally delicious. He couldn’t wait to taste her breasts, to sink his dick deep— No. Not tonight.
“Filling my house with noise and dirt and strangers—”
“Well, yes it was rather noisy, but I can assure you the dirt has all be cleaned up, and there were no strangers, only your parishioners and a few of their friends. Everyone worked so hard, even the children. All the paper flowers and paper chains are made, and they look so pretty. The house and the church are going to be positively stunning for Christmas. You will be proud of your people when you see it all finished. I promise.”
All his prepared phrases vanished from his head. She was so beautiful standing there, her big blue eyes fixed on his face, her body so close to his that her floral scent was almost overwhelming his good resolutions. His dick was so hard it was paining him. All he wanted to do was rip off that bed gown and sink his cock so deep inside her she screamed with joy.
He cleared his throat, and with his last clear thought said, “In future make them be more quiet. They were too noisy.” Then he gave in to his lust, pulled her gown off and pressed her naked body against his while he kissed her with more desire and passion than he’d ever felt before.

Berengaria Brown
http://berengariasblog.blogspot.com/
http://berengariabrown.webs.com/

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Interview with the Amazingly Wonderful Caris Roane plus a giveaway

Posted on March 23, 2012 by Linda Andrews

It is my very great pleasure to have author Caris Roane with us today. Her books are nothing short of amazing. So if you’re into Vampires and excellent, not to mention a bit steamy, romances check out any of her books. First a little bit about Caris:

Caris Roane has published over fifty Regency romance novels and novellas under the pen name, Valerie King.  In 2005, Romantic Times gave her a Career Achievement award in Regency Romance.  Having had a long-time love affair with vampires, Caris tackled the paranormal genre and built a unique vampire world based on ascending dimensional earths.  Her series is called Guardians of Ascension.

The first novel of the series, Ascension, debuted in January of 2011 and has been nominated for a Romantic Times Reviewer Choice Award in the category of Vampire Romance.  Burning Skies was released in May, and the third novel, Wings of Fire, hit the shelves in September.  Her novella based on the series, Brink of Eternity, released July 12th as a $.99 e-read!  And most recently, on January 3rd, the fourth novel, Born of Ashes, opened the New Year.  The fifth novel, Obsidian Flame releases on April 24th.  Gates of Rapture, #6, comes out in September.

Caris lives in Phoenix, Arizona with her two cats, Sebastien and Gizzy.

Did you always want to be an author?

This is one question I wish I could answer with a big resounding yes!!!  Unfortunately, I didn’t get seriously bit by the writing bug til I was about twenty-five.  I’d been reading Jane Austen and Georgette Heyer then discovered that all these authors were writing Regency romance!  I was lost from that moment on.  Then all these years later, I discovered writers like Sherrilyn Kenyon, Lara Adrian, and Gena Showalter, then the next thing I knew I absolutely had to write vampire romance!  It’s been an awesome ride.

How do you decide which story to write?

Well, in the case of my GUARDIANS OF ASCENSION series, because it’s a series the choice ends up defined by whatever happens in the current book.  For some reason, that story will always suggest the next story.  I just finished the 6th book of the series and it’s been a blast from beginning to end.  Each book has been a special adventure all its own.

Can you tell us a little bit about your latest release?

My latest release is BORN OF ASHES, which hit the market in early January.  This is the 4th book of my Guardians of Ascension series, set in a dimensional world at war, with wonderful hunky warrior vampires fighting to save all the decent ascenders on Second Earth.  But in BORN OF ASHES, my heroine, Fiona, discovers an amazing power to channel the powers of others, something that she and her wonderful French warrior vampire, Jean-Pierre, take advantage of to save the day more than once during the course of the story.

What drew you to the paranormal genre? And which is your favorite paranormal creature?

My favorite paranormal creature is, hands down, the vampire.  But I think I’ve always been drawn to the paranormal genre.  Early in my Regency writing career, for instance, I had Greek mythological characters come to life and take part in the story. Then later I wrote one vampire Regency novella and it was soooo much fun.

Do you plot your stories out or do you just start writing?

I do a real back-and-forth as a writer.  I’ll spend time pondering the story I want to tell, I’ll brainstorm, do some whit-iffing, that kind of thing.  I always create a graph with a rising curve of high points, so that I remind myself visually and constantly what the goal of the story is, you know, build, build, build.  But usually early in the process, I’ll sit at my computer and just start writing, get the characters talking, name them, get a sense of who they are, create this scene or that scene, just write.  Then it’s back to my graph and some forms I use as well.  I start filling in all the blanks, then one day, I have the graph all filled in, and by then at least 25% of the story is written.  So it’s a ‘brainstorm, plot, write, plot, write’ process for me until the last word is written.

What was the funniest thing you learned about your hero/heroine from writing their story?

I’m currently writing a proposal for my editor atSt. Martin’s.  We’re starting a new vampire trilogy in an entirely new setting, and the hero uses the phrase, “by all the wraith-lords on high”, which for some reason just cracked me up.  He likes to curse and uses many forms, both from his world and from earth.  His name is Griegarth, he’s six-five and hunky—of course—and already I know he’ll make me smile over and over again during the telling of his story.

Have you ever gotten stuck while writing a scene or chapter? How did you overcome it?

I think there are tons of forms of writers block.  For me, the most common occurs with sheer fatigue.  So, what I do is I take a break, I drink a glass of water because I really believe in hydration as an important part of the creative process, I’ll watch an episode of a crime show like Without a Trace or Criminal Minds, just to put my brain at rest for a time.  I also make sure that I get regular meals and never too much at any one time.  It’s amazing how just thinking in terms of self-care can really help with moments that feel blocked.  Once my brain has a chance to rest, to focus on other things, I can get back to work and usually the words flow.  If they don’t, even after all that, then I’ll usually surrender to the need for a full night’s sleep before trying again.

Can you describe your office or where you normally write?

When I’m fully engaged with the muse, I sit in a dark corner of my bedroom, in a very big comfortable chair, a low light to my left, sometimes my eyes are closed, sometimes open, as I tap away at my keyboard.  I have a big screen, as well, so that when my eyes are open, lol, I can see several files at once.  I love this set up.  It’s easy on my eyes, my back, and I can write for a good long stretch each time.

Where can readers find out more about you?

www.carisroane.com

Tell us about today’s giveaway:

I’ll be giving away a signed copy of the winner’s choice of one of the Guardians of Ascension novels, as well as a choice of hand-crafted, wing-based earrings.  I always include bookmarks and RTC cards as well.  This is an international Giveaway.

I enjoy chatting with readers so tell me today what makes a hero memorable for you?  Is it a quirk of his or perhaps his wound is super deep?  Tell me what moves you!

Posted in Uncategorized | 50 Comments

Stress Test

Posted on March 19, 2012 by Linda Andrews

I’m on vacation this week, so I’m shamelessly stealing content from an email I was sent. This is what prompted me to take time off work. Take it yourself and see. I don’t know who started this email, but thank you.

I am not sure exactly how it works, but this is amazingly 
accurate. Read the full description before looking at the picture. 
The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in 
a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital, London . 

Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. 
The dolphins are identical.  A closely monitored 
Scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact 
That the dolphins are identical, a person under 
Stress would find differences in the two dolphins. 
The more differences a person finds between the 
Dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing. 
Look at the photograph and if you find more than one 
Or two differences you need to go on holiday.... 

 

No need to Reply, I'll be on holiday. 

Never take life seriously 
Nobody gets out alive anyway! 

HOLY COW! I am really stressed.
Posted in Life Observations | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

The Fabulous Sally Berneathy talks about her Irish Roots

Posted on March 17, 2012 by Linda Andrews

Thanks Sally for joining me today. I hope everyone enjoys the post. Sally will be around all day and one person who leaves a comment will win a ecopy of one of Sally’s books.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Today, everybody is a little bit Irish, and the Irish are well known tellers of stories and spinners of yarns.

My grandfather, Hezekiah “Doc” Berneathy, was a red-headed, red-bearded Irishman who definitely had the gift of gab. He lived in Louisiana in the late 1800s when political rallies were a major form of entertainment. Granddad had no desire to be a politician, but he did love to have an audience for his stories. When a political rally was planned, Granddad often drove his flat-bed wagon pulled by a team of mules to the back of the rallying area. As the crowd began to gather, Granddad would stand on the wagon bed and begin telling stories and spinning yarns. When the political speaker arrived, he just had to wait until Granddad finished with the crowd.

I grew up in a family of story-tellers. At night when I went to bed, I got a bedtime story instead of a lullaby. That was a very good thing because everyone in my family had the singing voice of a donkey with bronchitis.

But they could tell stories! We lived next door to my aunt and uncle, and on summer evenings we’d sit outside under the stars while the adults tried to outdo each other with their stories. I just sat there and listened in delight.

Many of the stories were supposedly true, but with my family, you never knew for sure! One of my favorites, which my dad swore was true, involves our well-known love of dogs.

In 1898 when my dad was six years old, the family followed the lure of land to southeastern Oklahoma where Granddad rapidly established himself as the local dispenser of justice. He concluded marriage ceremonies with the admonition: “What God and Doc Berneathy has joined together, let no man put asunder.”

When my father was eleven years old one of the neighbor men shot and killed his dog. “I was too old to cry,” Daddy said, “old enough to get justice for my dog.” He took his .22 rifle, hid along a route he knew the neighbor would take, ambushed him and shot him.

The man lived…or, as Daddy put it, “Old coot was too mean to die.”

Shoulder bandaged, the old coot marched into town to complain to the self-appointed law. “Your son nearly killed me!”

Granddad stroked his red beard and considered the man for a few minutes, no doubt pondering the legalities of the situation…the legalities according to “Doc” Berneathy. Then he rendered his verdict. “You killed his dog. What did you expect? Just be glad my son wasn’t a better shot.”  Case closed.

The moral, Daddy said, “Do not mess with the Berneathy dogs.”

I feel very lucky that we have computers so I can write down my stories, so I can write stories that last for 300 pages. It would take a lot of starry evenings to tell a whole book!

I like to tell stories for the sheer delight of the story itself, but I’ve also found them to be therapeutic. In my books, I can fall in love with a hunky detective. I can solve a murder through brilliant deductive logic. I can kill my ex husband over and over and never have to go to prison! My books are total fiction. Even though I’ve killed off the evil ex-husband a number of times, the real one is still alive. For the moment.

Do you have a favorite family story? True, maybe true or totally fiction…please share!

For more on Sally visit her website at www.sallyberneathy.com

And here is some information about her books.

Undercover Secrets:

Television reporter, Allison Prescott, is covering the story of the latest murder among the homeless people living on the streets of Oklahoma City when she spots a derelict who looks anything but homeless. He’s too alert, too well-muscled…too sexy. Who is this man and why is he pretending to be one of the street people? Can he be the murderer? This may be the story she needs to save her job, get her a much-needed raise and give her the money she needs to fight her ex-husband for custody of their daughter. With the single-minded determination of a mother battling for her child, she sets out to discover the delectable hunk’s real identity. Then she finds herself attracted to him…to a homeless bum.

Brad Malone, undercover cop, is trying to blend with the homeless community and find a killer before somebody else dies. He’s been a cop for thirteen years. Dealing with murder is nothing new to him. However, when a nosy reporter begins following him everywhere, threatening to blow his cover and compromise his investigation, he finds himself in way over his head and his heart.

Death by Chocolate

Lindsay Powell’s only secret is the recipe for her chocolate chip cookies, but she is surrounded by neighbors with deadly secrets. Suddenly Lindsay’s life spirals downward into complete chaos and a near-deadly bout with the chocolate she loves. If not for the stray cat who bullied his way into her home, Lindsay would be dead.

Her best friend and co-worker, Paula, dyes her blond hair brown, hides from everybody and insists on always having an emergency exit from any room. Secrets from Paula’s past have come back to put lives in jeopardy.

Determined to help Paula and save her own life, Lindsay enlists the reluctant aid of another neighbor, Fred, an OCD computer nerd. In spite of his mundane existence, Fred possesses tidbits of knowledge about such things as hidden microphones, guns and the inside of maximum security prisons.

Battling Paula’s elusive stalker, poisoned chocolate, Lindsay’s irritating almost-ex, and a dead man, Lindsay needs more than a chocolate fix to survive.

Posted in Books, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 50 Comments

St. Patrick’s Day Blog Hop

Posted on March 16, 2012 by Linda Andrews

I’m not Irish. And if I had any ancestors from the Emerald Isle in my family tree, they were hundreds of years ago. Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. I’ll celebrate anything as long as there’s food involved.

I love food.

Our traditional St. Paddy’s Day feast is the American traditional meal of corned beef boiled with potatoes and cabbage. Yum. Where we differ from many is that my dad takes the already corned packages from the store and corns (soaks them in brine and spices) for another 3 days. Mmmm is that good. My mouth waters just thinking about it.

He called me on Monday and asked how much he should pick up for me from the store so he could get to brining it. I told him 8-10 pounds. While I could eat most of that myself, I am forced to share with my husband and three kids. Then again, my oldest is going to a Flogging Molly concert on St. Pat’s Day so that just means more for me:-)

I also like Irish Soda Bread although I rarely make it. Perhaps I will make corned beef hash with the leftovers and make the bread to go with it. Now that’s a meal!

So what’s your favorite thing about St. Patrick’s Day? One person who comments will receive a $10 USD amazon gift card for the Blog Hop. Click Here to visit other sites for other great prizes.

Name Link
Carrie Ann Ryan http://www.carrieannryan.blogspot.com

Lia Davis http://www.authorliadavis.com/blog/

Jesse Kimmel – Freeman http://bellanottethebook.weebly.com/blog.html

Heather Thurmeier heatherthurmeier.com

Gem Savid http://www.gemsivad.com/blog/

Emily Cale http://www.emilycale.blogspot.com

Kharisma Rhayne http://www.kharismarhayne.com

Megan Slayer http://theauthormeganslayer.blogspot.com/

Wendi Zwaduk wendizwaduk.blogspot.com/

Marie Dees mariedees.com

Cassandra Carr http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com/wordpress

Cynthia Woolf http://www.cynthiawoolf.com/blog

Sandra Bunio Sandrabunino.com

Vannessa Kelly/VK Sykes vanessakellyauthor.com/vanessa-blog/

Tracy Sumner tracysumner.com/blog

Lousia Bacio louisabacio.blogspot.com

Kacey Hammell http://kaceyhammellkreations.blogspot.com/p/st-patricks-day-blog-hop.html

Casia Major caseamajor.wordpress.com/

Eliza Gayle http://www.elizagayle.net/blog

Natasha Blackthorne http://natashablackthorneblog.blogspot.com/

Allison Merritt havenovelwilledit.blogspot.com

Sandra Sookoo sandrasookoo.wordpress.com/2012/03/16/st-pattys-day-blog-hop-its-not-easy-being-green/

Tara Lain taralain.blogspot.com

Lila Shaw http://lilashaw.com/2012/03/16/st-patricks-day-blog-hop/

Dianne Hartsock diannehartsock.wordpress.com/my-blog/

Ella Jade http://www.ellajadeauthor.blogspot.com/

Bella Street http://www.bellastreetwrites.blogspot.com/

In a Dream Beyond inadreambeyond.blogspot.com

Jessica E. Subject markofthestars.com

H.D. Tomson http://www.hdthomson.com

A Girl with a Computer http://www.agirlwithacomputer.blogspot.com/

Dakota Trace alittlebitofnaughty.blogspot.com/

Stephanie Draven http://www.stephaniedraven.com

Welcome to the Island (DX lux) welcome-to-the-island-of-dxluc.blogspot.com/

Chrisinte Quintessence christineleovlealand-author.blogspot.com/

Tommy Bull Qutntessence http://bullprotettoremurdermysteries.blogspot.com/

Stephanie Queen http://www.StephanieQueen.com

Leigth Ellwod leighwantsfood.blogspot.com

Linda Andrews https://lindaandrews.wordpress.com/

Lizze Star – Starry words starrwords.blogspot.com

K.E. Saxon http://www.kesaxon.blogspot.com

Skye Warren skyewarren.com/blog

Veronica Scott veronicascott.wordpress.com/

Lissa Matthews lissamatthews.com/blog

Life is a First Draft (Rebecca Clark) rebeccajclark.blogspot.com

Keta Diablo ketaskeep.blogspot.com

Victoria Adams victoriaadams.blogspot.com/

Daryl Devore myeroticnotions.blogspot.com/

Adriana Kraft adrianakraft.com/blog

Kaye Manro kayemanro.blogspot.com

Amber Kallyn amberkallyn.wordpress.com

Romance Book Club (Joyce) blog.romance-book-club.com/2012/01/st-patrick-day-bloghop-gift-card.html

A Writers (Kathryn Blake) kathrynrblake.blogspot.com/

Pippa Jay pippajay.blogspot.com/

Erica Pike eripike.blogspot.com

Diane Alberts dianealberts.com

Michael Mandrake tabooindeed.blogspot.com

Nikki Brandyberry nikkibrandyberry.wordpress.com/

Gabrielle Bissett gbisset.blogspot.com/

Tamaria Soana tamariasoana.blogspot.com/

Katey Hawthorn http://www.kateyhawthorne.com/

She Likes it Verbal (Sarah Bella) http://shelikesitverbal.com/blog/

Ranea Rose http://www.ranaerose.blogspot.com

Selah Janel http://www.selahjanel.wordpress.com

Zilah Anderson http://zillahanderson.wordpress.com/

Cari Quinn cariquinn.blogspot.com

Briana Courtney brinacourtney.blogspot.com

Jorja Lovett jorja-lovett.blogspot.com/

Get Intimate with History (Anna Markland) http://annamarklandromanceauthor.blogspot.com/

Jennifer Lynne jenniferlynne.com.au/blog

Breathless Press http://www.breathlessblog.com/

Stephanie Haefner http://www.stephaniehaefnerthewriter.com/

Lisa Kumar lisakumar.blogspot.com/

Close Encounters (Nikki) http://closeencounterswiththenightkind.blogspot.com/

Liana Brooks http://www.lianabrooks.com

Tory Michaels http://www.torymichaels.com

Best Erotica (Jemma) best-erotica-books.blogspot.com

Wendy Smith http://www.wendysmithbooks.blogspot.com/

SL Carpenter slcarpenter.blogspot.com/

Day Dreaming daydrmzzz.blogspot.com/

The Ebook Reviewers (Viari Rose) http://theebookreviewers.blogspot.com/

Dark Haven Book Reviews http://www.darkhavenbookreviews.com/

BooksAreCool http://www.booksarecool.com

DC Juris dcjuris.blogspot.com/

Roz Lee http://www.authorrozlee.blogspot.com

Le Ann Sontheimer Murphy http://leeannsontheimermurphywriterauthor.blogspot.com/

Realmantic Moments http://realmanticmoments.blogspot.com/

Angela Stone http://www.angelastone.ca/blog-3

Brea Essex breaessex.wordpress.com

Writing Utopia, One Word at a Time
Beth-Ann Mason http://www.bethannmason.com/st-patricks-day-its-all-about-the-tradition/

Jennifer Lowery http://jenniferloweryauthor.wordpress.com/2012/03/16/st-patricks-day-blog-hop/

Harlies Books harliebooks.blogspot.com

Modern Mythic Romance http://www.sherifredricks.com/apps/blog/

JM Madden jmmadden.blogspot.com/

Lucy Francis http://www.lucyfrancis.net

Jennfier Probst http://www.jenniferprobst.com

Aine Massie apmassie.com

Vickie Taylor http://www.VickieTaylor.com

The Regeny Inkwell http://theregencyinkwell.wordpress.com/

A Diamond in the Dark http://www.akmarshall.com

Michele Hart http://michelehart.blogspot.com/

Vicki Batman vickibatman.blogspot.com

Kristine Cayne http://kristinecayne.blogspot.com/

Norah Wilson http://norahwilsonwrites.com/wordpress/

Angelique Armae http://angeliquearmae.blogspot.com/

Lisa Mondello http://www.lisamondello.blogspot.com

JL Oiler http://www.joiler.weebly.com

Linda Frazier lyndafrazier.blogspot.com

Stacy Juba stacyjuba.com/blog/blog/

Liz Crowe http://www.brewingpassion.com

Heaven Oshey http://theworldofheavenoshey.blogspot.com/

Patricia Green http://www.patriciagreenbooks.com

Cat Kalen http://www.catkalen.com/blog/

Madeline Sloane http://www.madelinesloane.com/

Jenna Jaxon jennajaxon.wordpress.com

Dianne Ventta http://www.diannevenetta.com

The Jeep Diva http://www.thejeepdiva.com/

Margay Leah Justice margayleahjustice.blogspot.com

Leia Shaw http://www.leiashaw.blogspot.com

JoAnne Kenrick http://www.joannekenrick.com

Rose Gordon http://rosesromanceramblings.wordpress.com/

Posted in Promotion | Tagged , , | 59 Comments

A Croc for All Seasons

Posted on March 14, 2012 by Linda Andrews

I’m not a fan of shopping. In fact, I kind of hate it. I don’t like the crowds or having to search for things. I know what I want and just hope to grab it and leave. That rarely happens. Apparently what I have in mind is no longer available or carried by the store or the last one was just bought.

Why am I talking about one of my least favorite past times? Because it is now sprinkler season in the park. For those who’ve never heard the term before, sprinkler season is when the weather changes from cold to warm and the city starts watering the dead grass in the park.

In other words, it’s almost sandal time.

Those who live outside of Phoenix probably won’t experience Sprinkler season for another month or so. Or you could live in a place that actually gets rain, making the season unnecessary. But I digress.

As I am required by my dog to walk him every morning in the park, I like having shoes that are easy to slip in and out of. My footwear of choice–Crocs. I wear ugly black Mary Janes during the winter as they go best with my wild colored fuzzy socks. But alas, sprinkler season makes said socks soggy (say that 5 times fast) so we happily switch from polka dotted duck feet to bare feet in sleek Croc sandals.

And it is here that our tale of woe begins. Every 6 months, I wear out my beloved Crocs and must venture onto the Serengeti (aka mall) to hunt down a new pair for domestication.

The problem arises that the store I purchased my last pair of shoes from, no longer carries the brand. What Luddites! Now I have to visit multiple stores at the mall to find someone who has them. And when I do, they never have my size. Please understand. I’m not picky. I would wear orange or red crocs (completing the duck image), but they don’t have them in my size. Apparently, everyone is my size.

This year was no different. Finally I gave up and went on line. Bliss! I love my computer. There in pixelated wonder were Crocs from the very store I’d purchased from last year. Can I get an amen? When I searched for stores within 50 miles of my home who carried the ones I selected I got a big goose egg. How could this be? Ahh, but all I had to do was have them shipped from the Croc zone to my house, no visit to the store required.

And you know the best part? I bought 3 pairs because they were on sale. Ha! Now I won’t have to worry about finding them again for 18 months. It brought a tear to my eye.

So why do I want Crocs and nothing else. Uh, causing I’m walking in them and I hate regular shoes. Because when my dog kidnaps my shoes for a loving session or my cats pee in them, I can spritz them with 409 and wipe them down and wear them again. Of course, they’ll sport tiny teeth marks from the cats chewing on them and they do squeak when I splash through water puddles. But they’re soft and squishy and I mean that in a good way!

Posted in Life Observations | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Desert Dreams Conference

Posted on March 12, 2012 by Linda Andrews

I’ll be here in April. Not signing but smoozing with other authors and if you’ve got a book inside just waiting to get out, you might want to be there too.

DESERT DREAMS WRITERS’ CONFERENCE 2012
Believe in the Power of Your Dreams
Friday, Saturday, Sunday, April 27- 28- 29, 2012
Chaparral Suites Resort – Scottsdale Arizona
Register at:
http://www.desertroserwa.org/conferences/Phoenix-Romance-Writers-Conferences.php

Keynote Speakers:
NY Times Best Selling Author Allison Brennan
Martha Alderson, AKA The Plot Whisperer
NY Times Best-selling Author Bob Mayer

Desert Dreams Writers’ Conference provides authors of all skill levels – from beginner to multi-published – with the tools necessary to take their writing to the next level. Sessions will include general writing, career development, genre-specific, agent/publisher spotlights, as well as an agent/editor panel. There will also be one-on-one appointments with editors or agents, a book signing, and keynote addresses.

Conference registration includes:

Workshops Friday afternoon and all day Saturday
Two-hour workshop Sunday morning
One-on-one appointment with editor/agent (based on time of registration and availability)
Friday evening mixer
Dinner and keynote address on Friday
Editor/Agent panel
Saturday luncheon
Participation in Saturday book signing
Saturday evening dinner and brainstorming session
Registration deadline is March 15, 2012.

RWA Member Registration is $235.
Non-RWA Member Registration is $255

For more information about workshops, speakers, agents, editors, registration, hotel reservation etc. visit:
http://www.desertroserwa.org/conferences/Phoenix-Romance-Writers-Conferences.php

You can also follow us on Facebook, Twitter, for all the latest news and updates on Desert Dreams Writers’ Conference 2012.

Follow the Desert Dreams Blog for insights, useful tips, and speakers interviews from now until April 2012 at:
http://desertdreamswritersconference.blogspot.com/

Hope to see you all there.

Posted in Business, craft, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment