The Fades

I finally finished my manuscript and so decided to take the weekend off to binge on movies and other mindless things. And so while perusing for things, amazon prime reccommended a show called the fades.

In it, a 17 year old boy has nightmares about the end of the world. In it ghosts who can’t move on have found away to become human again by eating the flesh of the living.

It’s like a zombie movie and a ghost story all in one.

There’s good versus evil and a semi-religious prophecy.

All over six episodes.

Uber cool.

Especially as you see the lines of distinction blur between the two sides. Great characterization all around, I just hope some American company doesn’t remake it and ruin it.

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If You Want to Meet Your Neighbors

While the rest of the country is defrosting, we in Arizona have been experiencing record heat. And thanks to a mild winter, we also have record weeds.

Given that the neighbors house is for sale, it is also the time when realtors report high weeds to the city to be fined.

With all these things in mind we decided it was time to address the side yard. You see grass and weeds always grow through the rocks and no matter what e did, we couldn’t control it.

So we decided to resort to prison labor, without the jumpsuits and pink underwear of sheriff Joe. So every night we worked for an hour picking rocks out one by one, filling up bins and yanking out weeds. Neighbors stopped by while riding their bikes or walking their dogs to chat.

We worked for 5 days stopping to visit with folks we hadn’t seen before then came our weekend.

Bribing our son, we enlisted his help and moved the rest of the rocks. Then we worked to dig out the snarl of grass and weeds. It isn’t a big patch of land, about four foot wide and forty feet long. It took three hours to dig out 3 inches deep.

It took three hoes and two shovels.

Just as we finished up, two guys drove by. One leaned out the window and shouted, “hey man! I like your hoe!”

Since we didn’t react the first time, he yelled it the next half mile.

Then we laughed.

Nothing like a little gardening to bring the neighborhood together.

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Friday Funny—Little Bits

While I sat in the reception area
of my doctor’s office, a woman rolled  an elderly man
in a wheelchair into the room.  As she went
to the receptionist’s desk, the man sat there, alone
and silent.  Just as I was thinking I should make
small talk with him, a little boy slipped off
his mother’s lap and  walked over to
the wheelchair.  Placing his hand on the
man’s, he said, ‘I know how you feel.  My
mom makes me ride in the stroller too.’
*****

As I was nursing
my baby, my cousin’s six-year-old
daughter, Krissy, came into the room.
Never having seen anyone breast feed
before, she was intrigued and full of all
kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, ‘My mom
has some of those, but I don’t think she knows
how to use them.’

*****

Out bicycling
one day with my eight-year-old
granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a  little
wistful.  ‘In ten years,’ I said, ‘you’ll want
to  be with your friends and you won’t go
walking, biking, and  swimming with me like you do
now.  Carolyn shrugged.  ‘In ten years you’ll be
too old to do all those things  anyway.’

******

Working as a pediatric
nurse, I had the difficult assignment
of giving immunization shots to  children.
One day, I entered the examining room to give
four-year-old Lizzie her needle. ‘No, no, no!’ she
screamed.  ‘Lizzie,’ scolded her mother, ‘that’s
not polite behavior.’  With that, the girl
yelled even  louder, ‘No, thank you!  No, thank
you!

******

On the way back from a Cub
Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son,
‘Dad, I know babies come from mommies’ tummies, but
how do they get there in the first place?’  After my
son hemmed and hawed awhile,  my grandson finally
spoke up in disgust, ‘You don’t have to make
up something, Dad.  It’s okay if you don’t
know the answer.’

*****
Just before I
was deployed to Iraq , I  sat my eight-year-old
son down and broke the news to  him.  ‘I’m
going to be away for a long time,’ I told
him.  ‘I’m going to Iraq .’   ‘Why?’ he
asked.  ‘Don’t you know there’s a war going
on  over there?’

*****

Paul Newman
founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for
children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood
diseases.  One afternoon, he and his wife,
Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with
the kids.  A counselor at a nearby
table, suspecting the young patients
wouldn’t know Newman was a famous movie star,
explained, ‘That’s the man who made this camp
possible.  Maybe you’ve seen his picture on
his salad dressing bottle?’  Blank
stares.  ‘Well, you’ve probably seen his face on
his lemonade carton.’  An eight-year-old girl
perked  up.  ‘How long was he missing?’

*****

His wife’s graveside
service was just barely finished, when  there was
a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous
bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder
rumbling in the distance.  The little, old man
looked at the  pastor and calmly said,
‘Well, she’s there.

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The Cheating Post-A Sad Passing

Still trying to finish up my latest WIP, so here’s another funny. Morbidly funny and cute. Laugh and I’ll know you’ll enjoy my books:D

Thanks to Dan for forwarding this

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. 

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and
trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth , Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and
Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy
as man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in
Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life
was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,
wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old
man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane
Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also
survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If you smiled while reading this, please rise to the occasion
and pass it on to someone having a crumbly day and kneading a lift.

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An Oldie but a Goodie

Trying to finish up my current WIP, so here’s one of my favorite jokes.

The uncomplicated mathematics of political life!!

Mathematics: 

 

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic. 

It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..it goes like this: 

 

 

What Makes 100%?

 

 

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

 

 

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?


We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

 

 

How about achieving 103%?

 

 

What makes up 100% in
life?

 

 

Here’s a little mathematical formula to help you answer these questions:

 

 

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

 

 

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

 

 

Then:

 

 

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =
98%

 

 

and

 

 

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%


But ,


A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5
= 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20
= 103%


AND, look how far ass kissinggets you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+
14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty,
that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you100%, it’s the Bullshitand Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.


Now you know why, & how our political leaders give the general public more than 100% …!

 

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Friday Funny—Snow and Winter

To those of you who are actually experiencing winter this year. Stay safe and warm.

SnowandW-2 SnowandW-2 SnowandW-3 SnowandW-4 SnowandW-5 SnowandW-6 SnowandW-7 SnowandW SnowandW

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The Damage is (mostly) unDone

Next to parents, teachers have the hardest job in the world. They’re underpaid, under appreciated and under valued. And before power was switched into the hands of child (a la the Salem Witch trials), they were held the most influence in a child’s development right after parents.

I’ve been blessed to have some amazing teachers. I remember them, they way they smiled, their senses of humor, and their outrage at injustice, along with the smell of chalk, new textbooks and the taste of crayons and glue.

But, I also remember that a few of the teachers I admired most almost made me never want to write again. Ever.

And it started with a poem by arguably America’s most famous poet (and my personal favorite) Robert Frost.

No, it’s not The Road Not Taken. Although that ranks up there. Snow reminds me of my favorite poem (although it rarely rains in the Valley of the Sun). And a few weeks ago, the poem returned on an episode of Elementary. Joan Watson gave it to Sherlock, she said it was a bit dark. My teacher said it was about suicide.

I didn’t agree with either.  (And received a C on a paper, not a pleasant experience for a straight A student)

So what is my favorite poem? Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening. Read it here.

I don’t find it dark, I find it a lesson in life. To stop and commune with nature. To ignore our pressing chores to just exist in the moment. To take the time to just be because we won’t always be.

But to be told my interpretation was  wrong and have it constantly reinforced, kept me from writing down all those stories in my head. Because if I was wrong about what words meant, how could I share the stories inside my head by painting word pictures?

So I only wrote sporadically for years. Until I stopped and watched the rain hit my windshield and fall on farm fields. The poem came back to me and I decided that my time was mine to spend and started writing again.

Folks still tell me I’m wrong.

That’s okay. My soul is dark and deep just like the woods in the poem. And I’m comfortable there:D

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Chocolate Affaire 2014

Here are some photos of me at the Chocolate Affaire from this past weekend. A little bit sunburned and very much tired, but it was great fun.

Anna Questerly and Me

Anna Questerly and Me

Vijaya Schartz and Me

Vijaya Schartz and Me

Sharon A Moore

Sharon A Moore

Christine (Tia) Jones, LInda Andrews, and Bev (Dani) Petrone

Christine (Tia) Jones, LInda Andrews, and Bev (Dani) Petrone

 

Mary Maxie, H D Tompson, and Taylor Michaels

Mary Maxie, H D Tompson, and Taylor Michaels

 

Cassie Ryan and Kris Tualla

Cassie Ryan and Kris Tualla

 

Pamela Tracy and Susan Yarina

Pamela Tracy and Susan Yarina

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Friday Funny—Carnation Milk 65 years ago

This is PRICELESS…..
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in the1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan.

The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with ‘Carnation Milk is best of all.’

She thought to herself, I know everything there is to know about milk and dairy farms. I can do this! She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black car pulled up in front of her house.

A large man got out, knocked on her door and said, “Ma’am,… The president of Carnation milk absolutely LOVED your entry so much, in fact, that we are here to award you $1,000 even though we will not be able to use it for our advertisements!”

He did, however, have one printed up to hang on his office wall.
Here it is:

Carnation Milk

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It Ain’t Easy

One question I get asked a lot is how many books I’ve written. I usually have to take off my shoes and borrow someone else’s hand to finish my tally, so I know it’s a lot.

I also know it isn’t easy writing.

Once upon a time I believed writing would get easier. I’ve met folks who’ve written 50+ books and they say the same thing. Nope, it never gets easier.

In many respects it gets harder as good writers continue to learn their craft and seek ways to improve their storytelling ability. Other times it’s that damn internal editor who gets in the way of putting words on the pages, until either the characters or music drown the editor out.

Then there are forces outside of the writer’s ability. Belonging to many communities of writers, I hear the horror stories. After decades with one publisher, a line folded and an author had to reinvent herself from scratch—new name, new genre, new everything.

It’s like a witness protection program for writers.

And it sucks.

I’ve been writing for publication since 1997 (yes, that is last century), and I’ve lost so many folks along the way who’ve given up and just quit. I’ve wanted to give up and quit. Reading books is so much easier than writing them. And now, I’m about to lose one of my inner circle because her publisher of a decade rejected her latest and she needs a break. An extended break. And to support her, I have to step back and let her deal with what she needs to deal with and be there if/when she decides to come back.

I understand why some just stop writing.

I know one day I’ll stop writing.

I just hate that life is culling the herd of my writing friends. But like is about change and surviving is about adaptation.

And I will survive (insert Gloria Gaynor music here) until it kills me.

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